Spin101

At 23: Loving Life and Accepting its Complexities

2012-01-03T21:44:00.003+08:00

At 23, I can say that I am living a wonderful life. I have great friends, who are always at my back to support and cheer for me, who are never hesitant to give a hand whenever I need help, and whose shoulders I can always lean on whenever life’s stressors and disappointments get on me.

At 23, I have a fulfilling career. I am a part of not only one environment, but of various ones. I am a teacher, honing minds and preparing students for their dreams. I am a civil servant, serving diverse stakeholders. I am an Applied Communications coordinator, learning new things, creating ways to let new technologies be of reach to our clienteles. I am an adviser, guiding, influencing young minds to create more, learn more, innovate more. I am a Pylonite, who never stops dreaming, who strives to continue improving myself, who teaches, shares and influences. I am a student, never stopping, always craving for more, and believing that learning is infinite.

At 23, I am earning – not that much, but enough… enough for my needs, my studies, and contribute to my family's pot and my brothers' schooling. At this age, I am able to help not only my family, but other people as well in my own little ways.

At 23, I can feel how the bond in my family has grown tighter and stronger. Despite everything that we have been through, we remain united and supportive to each other… and we will never be apart and broken and complicated like my Pa’s family.

At 23, I have a flourishing love life. I have a boyfriend (fiancé na diay… :D), who always makes me feel special and loved, who loves and respects my family, who is very supportive, thoughtful, talented, loving, and who has all the positive traits you can think of (not exaggerating).

At 23, I am happy and contented… not as successful and fulfilled as I wanted (and still want) myself to be… but happy and contented, and loving and accepting life as it is.

My Teacher, My Hero, My Treasure

2011-10-04T14:33:00.008+08:00

On October 5th, the entire world will be celebrating the World Teachers’ Day to honor our mentors who, in so many ways, have helped in honing us into becoming good and productive citizens.

Being a teacher myself, I know how it feels like to be honored and appreciated. All my weariness after a semester’s painstaking hard work always seem to vanish away whenever I read my students' evaluation of my teaching.

So, in observation of this very significant day in the lives of the teachers, I would like to honor and pay tribute to all those who have become my mentors and have played very significant roles in my life, especially those whom I will mention here.

My elementary days now seem like a hazy memory as those were more than a decade ago, but I will never forget my teachers who did a great job in teaching me the very critical lessons in life. Who will ever forget Ma’am Alvarez, the terrifying Grade 2 teacher who lives just in front of the school? She is the first teacher I ever had great fear on, but when she passed away before I even graduated, I think I cried the hardest. Her teaching may be tough, but that’s how we all do seem to learn best, don’t we?

My elementary Science teacher, Mrs. Barona, is someone I really look up to. She is whom I consider the best teacher in the school. She makes science a very interesting subject, despite all the experiments we have to make, observations we have to write and conclusions we have to start with “Therefore, I conclude” (:D).

My 6th Grade adviser, Ms. Glory Quiliope (now Glory Gerdes), is one of the reasons why I became part of the school paper in high school. She taught English very well. I can still remember when I was in 5th grade, I would always daydream of becoming a 6th grade and imagine myself inside her classroom. She is very eloquent, which is why I always got inspired whenever she talked.

My high school days were an amalgam of bliss and despair. Those were the days that I am very much happy to recall but will never, in a million years, live again. When I talk of high school and MNHS now, the very first person that comes to my mind is, none other than, Ma’am Gladie Cacaldo. Ma’am Dida played not only the teacher role but also the role of a good and cool friend. She is the main reason why high school is still very fresh to my mind. Whenever the memory of how and why she did not talk nor look at me for months slips my mind, I cringe and try really hard to place the memory back to the rearmost portion of my brain, where it belongs. Ma’am Dida never held boring classes even if the subject she teaches (Filipino) is one of the most boring subjects for me. She would always insert fun and delightful activities into our lackluster lessons. The last time I visited the school, she gave me one of the biggest and sincerest hugs I ever had that day, which almost made me cry.

Of course, there are my other high school teachers, who willingly imparted their knowledge to us: Mr. Barona, Ma’am Pinuto, Mr. Guanzon, and Ma’am Rosemarie Bohol. They are the people, who have contributed a lot to my pot of knowledge, and for that, I sincerely thank and honor them.

My college years were the ones I am most proud of. I often share with my students how I struggled and worked my way through college to inspire them to study and persevere, and I would always feel glad whenever I see that strange twinkles in their eyes.

Our college dean, Dr. Ochotorena, who calls me her daughter, will always be a part of my success. She is the one who encouraged me to take the academic track and still continues to inspire and support all my undertakings. Then, there’s Dr. EVT, my brilliant MBA professor, who never fails to challenge and inspire me to pursue the degree. Her brilliance emanates to the entire classroom, yet she stays humble and accommodating to her students.

I sincerely thank all my mentors for helping me become who I am today and my salute to all the teachers in the world. Your patience in teaching and educating your students truly makes the world a better place.

Happy Teachers' Day!

Rich and Famous

2011-09-30T10:27:00.003+08:00

I was once asked by my Philosophy teacher what I wanted to be -- a very simple question that entails a very simple answer. I stood up from my desk and said, looking straight into his eyes, “I want to be rich and famous.”

It took him a few seconds to respond and he gave me an inscrutable long look. On the background, I heard murmurs from my classmates; and when I looked around, I met some pairs of equally inscrutable eyes. I really didn’t know how that simple and totally honest answer can cause such a fuss. Perhaps, it’s because he wasn’t expecting that kind of answer after the previous ones’ answers were same old, boring, and, nothing else, but all answers that can only be borne out from Boringsville.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, my teacher seemed to have awakened and immediately realized he is in the middle of a class. “Well, that’s for Ms. Nocete. Rich and famous (he was looking contemplative while saying this). Anyway…” And he continued his discussion on ambitions and getting there and many other things that all seemed like a blur to me. I could see his lips moving, but I could not hear a word he’s saying. All I was thinking then was how I sounded. I recalled the looks I got after having uttered the words, but I couldn’t seem to decipher the mystery behind those.

I attended a retreat organized by the nuns I worked for when I was still in college. One of the things we were asked to do was to draw our plans and ambitions on a piece of paper, and write down at the back of it how we plan to achieve them. I can still recall how excited I was to tell the people around me what my dreams are. However, after seeing what the others have drawn and written, I felt like such an overly-ambitious freak. Their dreams and ambitions were all so simple and small-scale (i.e. have a job, a family, a small house), I felt like snapping at them and telling them how easy it is to get a husband, make kids and build a nipa hut in the woods. And like my Philosophy teacher, the nun gave me that look I so hate to ever see again. She even managed to lecture on how frustrations over unachieved dreams can make us do crazy things, which, thanks to her, made me look even more pathetic.

Okay, I admit I am ambitious, but come on, what is the point of dreaming anyway? Don’t normal people dream of things they can’t easily get? Is it just me who knows how to do it properly?

Setting goals high can actually help one in the end. That is, for as long as he knows how to manage failures and defeat, as these two, as I have read and learned, always come first. And yep, I have long prepared myself for them.

So, if you ask me now what my dreams are, I will answer you with the same thing. To be rich and famous. Yep, I’m sticking to it!

2011-08-24T14:13:00.002+08:00

Who says one can never have a perfect life? Well... I DO! For now, at least.

And I thank the Lord for all these great gifts.

Even though I sometimes feel scared and undeserving, I just try to enjoy these moments while they last.

Father God is watching me all along. Thank you God. Thank you for this perfect life.

In the Woods

2011-06-13T13:56:00.002+08:00

The sky wasn’t in its best mood. The afternoon was slowly waning, giving way to a cold, damp evening.

A few minutes of traversing through the wet road,and we finally arrived at the little house in the middle of the woods; where we were greeted with sweet smiles and warm hellos.

Big, old Dash, the official guard of the house, was barking at us nonstop. He gave us his best warning look as we passed by him, as if telling us not to do something stupid or we’ll have to see.

The sweet smell of bamboo matting greeted us as we entered the house. Its cool ambiance made us feel comfy and welcomed. Its lamps resemble those of the ones I often see in native restaurants and the well-arranged wooden chairs and benches looked really inviting.

I was really impressed at how organized the house is despite its size. There are only very few things inside the house, showing the simple and never-showy lifestyle of the owners.Unlike most Filipino homes, no television set or clock can be seen in their living room. It was a laid-back living I always dream I could have.

Spending the rest of the day in the house in the middle of the woods is a rejuvenating experience for me and the girls. It was a great way of celebrating the country’s 113th Independence Day. Even for a day, we became free from the urban jungle, free from the hustles of city life, free from the people we deal with everyday, free from many other things… and we became one with nature.

In the woods, I have met people I thought exist only in the movies. I have been given the chance to experience the laid-back kind of life – the one where you do not need to check on your cellphones for messages or calls, where your activities are not dictated by every tick of the clock, where you are awaken by the chirping of the birds, where you go out of the room greeted by the sight of a beautiful world.

In the woods, I have experienced the real meaning of solitude. The place is so serene and peaceful… the kind of tranquility anyone in the city would kill to have.

In the woods, I was able to forget all my worries and doubts even just for a day. I realized that one does not need to keep pace with the other everyday racers to be able to enjoy and find contentment in life. For, indeed, the real joy lies in the serenity of the heart and peace of the mind.

In the woods, I found a retreat. Retreat from everything, from everyone. I became one with myself. It was just me and nature. I really wish for another chance to come back and experience one more time the life in the woods.

That day when the unthinkable happened

2011-05-24T15:46:00.005+08:00

It was daybreak when we left. Faces lit up with excitement. Thoughts of walking on the white sands, of island hopping, of bathing on the cold waterfalls, of all the activities prepared… these must have been keeping everyone’s minds busy that time.

All was set for the trip.

Our short stopover for breakfast by the beach was so fun. Everyone was enjoying their meals. Everyone was having fun,but they were oblivious of what was about to come up.

The trip continued with everyone full after the hearty breakfast. Some were asleep, some talking, some were watching the view from the windows of the bus.

I was asleep like some. It was ideal for dozing off because the wind became even cooler with the movement of the bus.

Then suddenly…

Shrill cries of horror woke me up from my deep sleep. I opened my eyes. Leaves.Dust.A crashing sound.

“Oh, God! This really happened to us,” was the first thought that crossed my mind.
I awoke just a few milliseconds before the bus hit the roadside. I felt the impact, but was unconscious of whether I was able to hold on to anything. The next thing I knew was that my face was pressed on the glass window. I can’t move my entire body, and my forehead is starting to ache. A few people were on my back, and I heard cries and moans from everywhere.

It was like in the movies, when everything happens in slow motion…when some characters get a close up showing their scared faces. Had it been a film, the musical score would have been that of thudding drumbeats… that one when the viewers’ heartbeats rise and fall along with every loud beat.

After what felt like eternity of being stuck, unable to move, I felt the heavy load on my back becoming lighter and lighter. I get up after realizing that I already can.

Bags, slippers, the people, everything seem to scatter everywhere. Some are already getting up, others are still struggling to.The view is horrifying. Everyone’s face depicts horror and fear.

“Oh, God! This really happened!”

I managed to get out of the horrible-looking bus with the help of people I can never remember what looked like. I was barefoot, but I never felt anything.I was walking on broken glass and pebbled roadside, but I never seemed to mind. When I looked back at the bus… that was when I started to cry.

I cried not because I was hurt. I cried not because I left my things in there… but I cried because I could not believe that everyone is alive.

It was a really ghastly view.The bus.The sirens from ambulances, fire trucks and police cars. The running medics.It was all chaotic and heartbreaking.

Our angels were there. God was definitely there with us.He was guiding us and shielding us from any serious harm. That was God’s work I have witnessed right there. He was there with us that day when the unthinkable happened.

*Credits to Mr. R. Cadapan for the photo.

Where my dreams started, shattered, and sprouted back

2011-04-20T22:18:00.001+08:00

Today I went back there,
To the very place where my eyes opened
Where my ignorance faded along with every sunset
Where my dreams started to bud from out of nowhere
Where I learned… and continued to learn…
Until learning becomes a foe
And discouraged for those who are low.

Today I went back there,
To that place that ate up all the happiness in me
It swallowed it whole that I no longer had time
To know it existed, to know it was real.
That place taught me a lot
About the world as a whole
About its inhabitants, about what’s real.

Today I went back there
To that place that made me realize the sad truth
That when you are weak, your place is down there
And you do not have any right to step up
Because when you attempt to do so
They will start kicking you off the ladder
Until you fall down, until you fail, until you live in misery.

Today, I saw everyone again
Those who became part of my dreams
Those who encouraged me to climb up despite all the kicking
Those who discouraged me and treated me poorly
Those who never cared, who never looked at me.
Seeing them again, gave me an amalgam of emotions
But I know that when they looked at me today
They had a vision of that girl, who struggled to keep her dreams alive.

Today, I went back there
To that place where I started to dream
Where I realized that dreaming can heal
That it can cure all your worries, all your fears.
That place had given me a lot to remember
Mostly bad, generally hurtful, but by and large enriching.
Though, in that place, my dreams were slowly crushed
I still managed to let them sprout back
And still I continue to water and care for it
So when I go back to that place again, they will see how large I made them grow
And they’ll see what I have been dreaming about all through.

On Freedom and Manners

2011-03-17T16:27:00.001+08:00

This is to exercise that freedom of speech they are talking about. Allow me to apologize ahead to those people who will be affected, in any way, by this article.

I was totally stunned upon seeing the headline of our university newspaper today. I totally understand that it is big news, and that it deserves a space in the paper. However, it could have been placed elsewhere, like the fourth page perhaps. Putting it in front of the paper in bold, big letters explicitly shows bad manners among those who are responsible for the publication of the said paper. Writing that kind of news and making it the headline story is such an insane, unscrupulous act. It is like announcing to the whole world how bad your own father is and slapping him straight on the face.

There is this so called freedom of the press, but there is also what they call manners. Without the support of the university president, the university publication would never exist. Without his approval, they will not be able to do anything and enjoy any benefits from the university. Without him, NORSU would never become what it is today. Without him, they will not be able to enjoy affordable, quality university education. Now, don’t you think he deserves even a little respect in return? Don’t you think he deserves to be supported and backed-up when he is the one in need?

Again, I believe that it is still big news and deserves a place in the paper, but they could have placed it elsewhere. I don’t have issues with the article. I just do not think the placement is right. ALL news, good or bad, deserve a place in the paper and be known by all NORSUnians. Loss of high-end equipment, especially more than one of them, is also news. Why is it not published then? Don’t they think NORSUnians deserve to know about that? Those lost equipment were acquired because of the payment made by the students. Don’t they have the right to know?

So, you see, the same question that I raised years ago still applies here. WHO WILL GUARD THE GUARDS? Freedom has its limitation, and manners should not be forgotten all the time.

Blessings, blessings... and it's God all along

2011-03-06T20:03:00.004+08:00

Things have been going well, I guess. The things that have happened to me may not be that much, but they are enough to make people say that I have gone a long way after a year of being a part of the "jungle". Things happened very fast. I even cannot imagine up to now why and how they took place. I did not even ask for any of these things; they just come. It even seems to me that a certain force is manipulating things to work in my favor.

I really believe that I have done something good in life to deserve all the good things that are happening to me now. I admit I am not a religious person, but I have strong faith in God, and I believe that He is the one who gave me all of the things that I have now. I do not go to church regularly. I even barely go there. I have experienced being with nuns and priests, and I should say that I was not pleased with them. I know they are also human beings, but it should never be an excuse for them to do selfish things or talk ill about other people. But despite of that belief, God still showers me with so many blessings.

"Do not chase success." That is one of my favorite lines from my favorite movie ever. Chasing success will only leave you breathless, but it will lead you to nowhere. I do things not to attract attention or get renumeration for them. Had I done so, I would have gone full-time to my job that pays good and not bother teach and get a few pesos every hour. Indeed, when you focus on excellence, success will just chase you. Talking about success is still too early; but if things go on as I planned them, I will surely be able to taste it.

One of the greatest things that God has given me is the ability to manage my time well. Not too many people are given the ability to manage their 24 hours daily effectively. With the many things that I have to do in my waking hours, I am truly thankful that I do not miss a single thing. Every weekday, I wake up at 6:30 or 6:45am and spend the next eight hours in the office. I go out at 5:00 or 6:00pm and spend the next two hours with my friends and loved ones. At 7:00pm, I start with my articles. I have to finish them before 11:00, so I get to sleep for at least 7 hours. Saturdays are my MBA days, and Sundays are for lessons preparation, studying and hanging out with friends. I didn't even know how I survived with this schedule. I kind of get used to my old, more flexible one.

My plans for the summer are already weaved. My Saturdays and Sundays will already be occupied with other things, including the articles and website for the long-time planned venture with a few friends. I hope this venture will become a hit, and when it does, I am sure I will be able to find a spot for it in my schedule. Finishing my MBA is another one of my big plans. So help me God.

Things have been going well, I guess; and I hope they will continue to be. God, the world, everybody has been very good to me. I hope I'm doing the right things to give justice to all the goodness and all the blessings that I receive.

Thank you, God. I know it's You all along.

Thank you!

2010-12-31T10:06:00.005+08:00

Before the year comes to an end, I would like to thank all of the people behind the happiness and fulfillment that 2010 has brought me. These people are the reason for all my smiles and laughter and the ones who make the year 2011 worth waiting for.

My Dear Ma’am Beth,

You just do not know how you have touched my life. Moments spent with you are never boring and dull. You seem to have the energy of a 13 year old, the vivacity of a 16 year old, and the firmness and decisiveness of a 30 year old. I really envy your carefree attitude. With you, I learned to face each day with a smile, to fight when needed, to see the positive in all the bad situations, and to get up gracefully after every fall. Thank you Mama Beth. Sa 2011 na pod…

Sisterette Leop,

Go for it! Wa’g mo ng pakawalan. Ahahahaha…
Thank you for the friendship, the laughter, the okray moments, the bond, and everything in between. You have been a great friend and a loving sister. Stay there, ok? I love you!

Ex-Cousin Jhet,

Ahahahaha… Oo, ex-cousin na lang kita. Ay, hindi nga pala tayo naging official cousins. Ahahaha… Anyway, thanks for making the year more colorful. Thanks for making me the Dark Blue Ranger. Ahahaha… I love you! Sa 2011 ulit ha…

Ate Keeya,

You may not be aware of it, but your presence causes quite a stir (…in a good way…). You make our get-togethers happier and livelier. Thank you for sparing time for me, for us. I love you Ate Keeya!

Jerry my love,

Thank you Jerrygurl for always supporting me. Even when you are not really the type who sugarcoats your words, still I know that you do not say things that would hurt me. Know that I'm always here when you need me. I love you!

The Bestest Beagurl,

I am happy that you have finally found your happiness in him (again… ahahaha). Thank you Beagurl. I cannot mention all of the things that you have done for me; but there is one thing I thank you most for, and that is listening to my rants, my complains, my nonsense, and everything that I have to say. I love you Beagurl… more than you know, really.

Dr. Ocho,

Ahahaha… I know wala kay FB. Ahahaha… But still I would like to say ‘thank you so much’ for giving me the opportunity of a lifetime, the greatest chance that I could possibly have. Thank you for believing in me and what I can do. I owe everything to you. I also would like to thank you for treating me as your real daughter. You just do not know how my heart leaps everytime you refer to me as “my daughter”. Thank you Ma’am, and I look forward to more years of working with you.

My Beloved Pylonites,

Yeah, like all of you. Ahahaha… Well, thank you sa mga pasaway, sa mga buutan, ug sa mga wala ray care. Ahahahaha… Let us pray for the success of all of our endeavors. Thank you for the companionship, friendship and love. Know that I care and love each one of you. Yearbook 2012 na pod!

My Everdearest Family,

You are the reason for my persistence. You are my inspiration to go on and reach for what I aim. Thank you for always standing by me. I love you.

My Argey,

Thank you for always being there for me, for making me smile when I am down, for the foot massage when I’m tired, for buying me dinner when I don’t have time, for taking beautiful pictures of me, for making friends with all of my friends, for loving my family, for lending me money when I’m broke, for introducing me to your wonderful clan, and for loving me and showing it with no reservation. Thanks for spending the 2010 with me, and I look forward to spending the 2011, the year after that, and my lifetime, with you. I love you so much.

May the year 2011 be a fruitful and prosperous year to all of us. Let us continue loving life and all that it has to offer. Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Worth it All...

2010-08-13T00:22:00.007+08:00

Ahead is unknown... it is an enigma that will only be unveiled through time and reason. Ahead lie the answers, the truth, the key to the mystery.

And I continued to walk... with persistence... seeking for the unknown.

I went on.
I know not what I was seeking.
I lied.
It was never unknown.
Forward, I moved...

“Fight for it!” “Back off, idiot!”
Two opposing forces
Tried to steal the sanity left on me.
I told the world I backed off.
I lied.
Went on... a faster stride.

I fought. I endured. I closed my eyes.
Everybody understands.
I lied.
I hear people talk behind.
I fought. I endured.
I reaped the glory.

I fought. I’m glad I did.
The prize I got
Is precious than jewels;
Enough to complete life,
More than worth the fight.

Time brought us back...
Never allowed the world to act;
Parted...
But together we should be;
And together we will be
‘Til forever becomes a history.

Getting my hands dirty on poems again...!

Counting God's blessings....

2010-08-01T00:19:00.005+08:00

God has been so good to me. I don't know why, but it scares me at times. I know I haven't been the most wonderful person in the world. I don't go to church, and I can't even remember the last time I was able to hear mass. I do things even if I know that it is against His teachings, and I know He is aware that there are times when I even doubt His existence. But despite all that, God continues to shower me with so much blessings.

When I graduated from high school, everything was uncertain, but He showed me the way. The day right after graduation, I was given the greatest opportunity in my life. Then, I knew, all my dreams will never be put to waste. Holy Child Hospital was then my 'knight in shining armor'. By being able to work there, I got the chance to continue with my schooling. It was a tough and challenging experience, but I never gave up. I continued counting God's blessings...

When the time came that I thought I will no longer be able to survive working at HCH and studying at the same time, God led me to another way. He gave me Pylon. God has been so wonderful in having given me the mindset of an older being. Who could have thought that a 17 - year old girl will be able to make big decisions for herself? I never gave up HCH yet until I am already sure of my luck at Pylon. And luck it is; I had been given the best 'break' in my life at Pylon, and I was able to hone my skills and continue college on my own perseverance. And then I knew, I will still be counting God's blessings...

After years of hard work, I finally earned my most coveted treasure - my college diploma. Passing the Stenographer Exam is not something that I planned. I just did what I was told to do, but God knew I will be needing it, and now I'm counting more of His blessings...

While sitting at a bench inside the church, I was asking for a sign if I should quit my tiring job. I didn't know what to do if I lost that job, but God had already been cooking something wonderful for me. He knew I will need a job to replace my first one, and He gave it to me right away. When my college dean called me and offered me a teaching position, I knew I will be counting some more of God's blessings.

When I was at the hospital to get certification of my medical condition, which I will use for resignation from my first job, I was clueless of what was about to come. The salary that I will get from teaching will never be enough for my needs and for my contribution to the family's budget. I need another source of income. I may have prayed loudly that time that God immediately heard me. Even before I got out from the hospital, I received a text from somebody who needs a part - time writer, and asked if I was available. I was awe - stricken. God answered me in a matter of minutes. He wants me to know He is always by my side, listening to my every prayers; and I continue counting His blessings.

More and more blessings keep pouring in. More jobs are opening for me. God has never really abandoned me. He knows I have gone through a lot already. He has given me the right people, who will never lead me to a different way. He continues to bless my family. He gave me a wonderful person, who loves me and supports my every endeavor. He gave me great friends. No matter how enigmatic the future may be, I will have God, and I know I will continue counting some more blessings.

Should it then?

2010-07-27T23:27:00.000+08:00

Goodness... I am so alone tonight...

Should his antidote mount a stumbling soup?

Well, who knows?

An update, finally!

2010-07-19T19:14:00.006+08:00

"So, how's your teaching?" She said this with a beaming smile on her face (close man kuno mi... hehe).

I almost answered, "Well, I just had my students evaluate me before going here, and like, 60% of them said that I speak too fast, 20% said that I should refrain from speaking in English because they have trouble understanding the language, 10% said that I need to be strict, 5% insisted that they like me because I'm not strict, I teach well, and I speak well; while the remaining 5% said that they like the way I look and the way I walk. Oh, by the way, how come you did not interview me? I heard you gave the other new instructors a hard time." However,I decided to just stay safe and answered with a very coy: "It's okay ma'am... I'm getting by."

And she said, "Great! So, what do we have today?" I submitted her the transcriptions and stayed for a little chit-chat with her.

Whew! It's been two months now since I started living in what they call the 'real' world. My first job was kinda not really my thing. I found every single day dreading at the thought of going to work. It's not really because I find the work so hard, but because I found the schedule inconvenient, the atmosphere not healthy, and the people not caring about each other.

I got sick after three weeks of taking calls and when I came back, I had a short talk with my supervisor. I can still remember how the talk started:

Sup: "Do you drink?"
Me: "Nope..."
Sup: "Do you smoke?"
Me: "No..."
Sup: "Do you party?"
Me: "Nope.."
Sup: "Hmmmnnn... but you do go out..."
Me: "Not at night, that is."
Sup: "Ha? So, why do you get sick?"

And I almost blurted out, "because I don't like it here!" But, I just said, "I don't know, perhaps because it is just so cold in here."

I was already at the verge of giving up and decided to go to church. I asked for a sign whether I already need to resign and find another more health - friendly job. The day right after that, I received a call from my college dean asking me to teach a few subjects. I never hesitated and accepted the offer right away. Even though I already thought that that call must have been the sign I was asking, I still continued reporting to my first job. I endured two more weeks keeping up with the two jobs that I have, until I met one of my college instructors. He couldn't believe that I am working as a call center agent. I can still remember his words: "Why do you young people go to the call center?" And I answered him with a "Duh... Because it is where you can immediately find a job." Our conversation went on until he had to say goodbye, saying that he still needs to fetch his kids and they will all watch cartoons. I was like..., "cartoons?! at that age?!" And he said, "Yes, cartoons! Don't watch real, heart-pinching shows. Watch cartoons and ENJOY YOUR LIFE!"

You know the thing in the movies when you hear the words in slow motion and the person you are talking with suddenly becomes the only thing that you see because everything else turns white? That was what happened to me during that time. I could only see my instructor with his round, almond eyes staring directly at me and everything around us is so white; and the words "ENJOY YOUR LIFE!" came to me in slow motion. I was really dumbfounded. It was like the words were meant to change me.

I hadn't fallen asleep that night. The words kept repeating on my mind. Then, I thought, how long will I be able to keep up with this lifestyle? I don't have kids to feed, anyway. Why do I have to keep two jobs? Yes, I'm young and still single. I deserve to enjoy my life at this stage. I was supposed to report for duty at three in the morning that day, but my body just won't allow me to get up. I wasn't able to sleep, and I felt like fainting when I forced myself to rise. When I woke up, I decided to quit my first job and just concentrate on teaching and the few transcription and writing rakets that I have.

Things have been going on so smoothly, so far. I teach, I write, I transcribe, and I also go to school for my masters. I am getting used to teaching and the "ma'am" thing, except when the Pylonites use it to call me.

I so miss making hard laughs. I haven't laughed hard since the last Yearbook Camp. I am also dismayed at the idea that Keeya, Biya, Jhit and Leop are like miles away from where I am. Hello? Guys? How about the get-to we've been planning since last month? Argh! (*sigh) I wish I can chill out with the Pylonites again some time. It is only them who can make me laugh so hard, unmindful of how I look. They are the coolest, and they know me well enough to discern when I need to talk and when I need to be silent.

Whoa! Too much for the drama queen! I need to get moving with my write-ups now. Whew! an update after 48 years...

...

2010-03-21T19:37:00.002+08:00

Current feeling: sad
Current state of mind: Blank

So, how will I start? It seems that I have a lot of explaining to do. So, from where do I begin? Okay...

Classes have finally ceased. Yep, ceased permanently for me and 2800 others more. I have this mixed feelings about this. First, I am happy, very happy indeed; because finally, I will be able to say "bye, bye" to college life. But then, it dawned on me that not only will I say goodbye to school, I also need to kiss Pylon goodbye. This is what scares me. I am scared of going out to the real world (as they call it) and leaving my Pylon siblings. Am I ready? Nope, definitely not. So, where does that leave me? - to a world of question marks and exclamation points.

Honestly, I still haven't imagined life away from our little, colorful office. Yes, I had been aware that this moment will really come - when I have to make decisions for myself, when I have to become used to becoming away from people I love, when working isn't about just as fun and exciting, when an 8-hour workday becomes a routine, when bondings and laags already become an occasion. (*sigh) I guess, I have to bear with everything now.

What consoles me is the fact that I will be already on my own. Actually, independence was something I've already known since my high school graduation. However, this would be something different. I would be preparing myself for something heavier, something that's already mine. It's me against the world now or me for the world.

Ugh! I guess, being alone for a couple of days turned me into another melodramatic freak. I just hope he comes back very soon. This thing scares me and there's no one I can share this to right now (sigh)...

Boongga!

2009-12-26T11:06:00.015+08:00

Oh! so I have a blog pala... (*wink) Guess, I totally forgot about this (*sigh). Things hadn't really been easy for me. I had so many things to attend to. The previous months had been a whole lot busier than I thought. I had the production of the hardbound yearbook to focus on, my classes aren't that easy to handle either, my on-the-job-training has started and I need to complete 200 hours of duty for me to graduate this March, I had IPRs, team-building activities, and parties to organize for Pylon, plus this little raket raket stuffs which consumed my remaining available time. Whew! Imagine that? And mind you, I still was able to spend time with my loved ones.

Three more months, and my life would undergo a total restructuring. A change in everything is something that I still cannot accept right now. For now, my whole time and attention is focused on the present.

There had been a lot of changes in my life this year. Good thing, the yearbook production didn't give me a lot of headaches and heartaches this year. Well, thanks to my staff who made things easier for me, this year. I guess, the biggest contributing factor of my despair, agony and sadness last year was the people themselves. Yep, sad to say that. It wasn't that I never had any idea of the yearbook-making process, it wasn't that I did not know how to lead at first, it wasn't that I did not know anything about the bidding, the papers, the printing stuffs... The right people could have helped me on that, I could have managed those things with everybody's help and cooperation. Well, I don't really want to elaborate on that. We were able to produce the yearbook with positive feedback from everybody anyway. All in all, I can confidently say that my staff this year is way too easier to handle than that of last year's. Boongga!

Hmmn... My recap for my 2009 would be for another post na lang... I have a raket stuff to finish now, and I'm also waiting for a call para sa isa pang raket (*laughs). Boongga, di ba?

Oh, by the way, Merry Christmas to everybody! My christmas is a bit different this year. My 24th is spent shopping with Bea (Char! shopping daw...) Shopping goods for the workaholic people of Pylon, who spent the holidays doing their tasks (*bason naa tay bonus ani, guys.. hehe...) Okey, back to my christmas. Did I say it's a bit different? Yep. I went to church with my family and ate noche buena with them, but at around one o'clock in the morning, I had to transfer to another house and spend the remaining hours with Jheck and eat another set of noche buena with him. (mao ra toy naka different. bow!)

A few more days, and classes will start once again. Ugh! I just remembered... that the first day of classes for 2010 is also my birthday. Whew! I will be turning a year older. I hope twenty-one isn't that old yet because I don't really feel like becoming older (awh?). Still, I have my classes to attend to, my duty hours at DBP isn't even halfway the required hours yet, and the interactive yearbook making continues. More busy days are yet to come.

For now, I am really hoping that we could go to our planned trip to Siquijor tomorrow. I need to unwind, rejuvenate, restore my lost energy, and give my mind a break for a while.

Happy New Year, everyone. I wish everybody love, joy and world peace. We can do this, people! We can always hurdle everything and continue with life's race. I hope everybody will have a joyous 2010.

Here are some random pictures of my 2009.

Sa maglagot rah...

2009-08-26T00:47:00.002+08:00

Wooohhh!!! I so miss this blog. It's like years since my last post! Geez...!

I really don't know where to start. My life had been and is still a hullabaloo ride until now. Whew! But here I am - still alive, kicking and fighting.

I really thought before that my second year as EIC would be a whole lot better than the first. I guess I was wrong then, because no load was ever lifted from my shoulders. Instead, more and more are added up every day. (hahaiz...) Honestly, I am so tired already. I am so tired squeezing up my mind to think of something good for the organization. I am so tired making up excuses for my absences from my classes (my teachers are already tired listening to my reasons.) I am so tired covering up my people's faults. I am so tired leading some people who do not want to be led, who thinks that I am belittling them when I give them instructions, and who criticize me and blame me with something that I am not even aware of doing to them. Well, I guess these things are just part of my position.

However, if only one or two people are against me and the rest of the staff still loves me, I know I wouldn't be budged. When I was able to get a very good result from the evaluation I conducted, I then guess that the problem is not with me. When everybody crowds around me while nobody goes near the two of them, I guess, this is not a matter of inefficiency as a leader, but an issue of insecurity on their part. When everybody calls me "Ate" and flashes their sweetest smiles when they see me, while they give you a "who-the-hell-are-you" kind of look or an "are-you-part-of-the-team" curious glances, then I guess, I am not to blame here.

If you think what you say really matters... C'mon...! Hija, ang kitid ng utak mo. Or are you just that insensitive that you can never feel how people here (including me, of course) despises you. Had I not been taught by my parents with respect to elders, I have long kicked you out of here. Insubordination could be more than enough reason, y'know.

And if you think that telling people stuffs about me can let you earn their sympathy. Duh, wake up! Be sure they are really that loyal to you. You might just end up regretting ever opening your stupid mouth, ever...

Oh, and don't worry... I have breeding and I was raised right. I was taught not to make "patol" with unworthy people. I prefer to stay silent and look fabulous.

Hahaiz... I'm fine, really. I am just writing here the things that I cannot say in front of people. As a head, I am obliged to deal with stupid people professionally.

Don't worry guys... You will never hear these words from me. Diri ra ni. Ako bitaw ning blog... (*wink)

...

2009-07-22T21:21:00.006+08:00

The earth seems to revolve and rotate so swiftly. Its fleeting motion causes a gazillion things to happen in a blink of an eye... And before we know it, we are caught in a hullabaloo of episodes we once thought is never going to befall.

Yes, life is indeed unpredictable. We will never know what is about to fall right in front of our faces. No matter how we try to prepare ourselves for the expected, still we are caught off-guard by how it will take place... and most of the time, we are left wondering why it came to that point in the first place.

Still, there are so many things that we have to thank life about. And having experienced all these things now, is already a great reason for me to be grateful.

Ang Pagpangareer... (*wink)

2009-06-22T12:00:00.007+08:00

Living my EIC/ (slash) all-around-housemaid role. Here being a photographer kuno... hehe...

Last weekend was so much fun. As our theme for this year's book is "the environment", we started taking pictures of things that would show the beauty of nature. Actually, I am not really fond of taking pictures, but when somebody introduced to me "macro photography", I got super interested on it. I found it very fun taking pictures of things that our own naked eyes cannot see. Through macro photography, I saw how a fly, a bug, a mosquito, and many other little things look like up close. I remember the first time I started macro photography, I no longer let the others take the cam from me (*wink).

Here are some of the pictures that I took last weekend...

Pangareer na jud ni... Ahaha...

The Pylonites Hymn

2009-06-12T10:28:00.004+08:00

I composed this song once upon a time, and now, here it is... the official Pylonite hymn... (*wink) Errr..., I wrote the lyrics diay and Uzziel made the tune. The picture below is Leofhila's work (applauses for Leop... weeehhh!!!). A music video will be made soon. (Yehey!) We are really loving our environmental and 3D themes. Super loving it!

How pleasing it is to know
That I am here with you
The love and friendship that we share
Is nothing but beyond compare

The time seems to freeze
Our happiness just doesn’t cease
When we are all together
Nothing will ever matter

Chorus:
My wish is that we will never part
You will always be inside my heart
The memories that we made
Oh, it will never fade
How we are when we are together
The Pylonite joy doesn’t seem to waver
Our love for one another
Will truly make us remember

The laughter and the tears
We shared through these years
We will always remember
And in our hearts will linger

No software could ever alter
The color and brightness of our memoir
There’s more to yearbook-making, y’know
It’s the joy of being with you
(repeat chorus)

Coda:
Keep the fire burning
Keep the Pylon spirit flaming
The Pylonite joy will always linger
The Pylonite love will be forever

Pahabol sa Summer '09

2009-06-09T09:38:00.016+08:00

Summer 2009 is so far the best summer vacation I ever had because I was able to enjoy every little second of it. Luckily, vacation is extended as classes are suspended for reasons I still do not know. The last "laag" we had is for two purposes - to wave goodbye to summertime and to Budoyski's singlehood (nyaaaahhhh....). A-huh... Our very own Budoyski is already going to tie the knot on June 12, Independence Day. On why he chose that date is still a mystery to us (pagka Budoyski jud.... Independence Day gud na magpakasal gud!)

Anywayz, here are some pics of my memorable laags with the people I dearly love.

With Bea at the Mabinay Hanging Bridge

playing Monopoly in our house in Mabinay

food tripping sa hide out

etchuz sa Baybayon

etchuz japon

samot ka etchuz

two of the people I love the most

serious talk kuno sa pool side

UG ANG MGA BINAKI WITH THE PYLONITES DURING OUR GROUP PICTORIALS

Random Yawyaw...

2009-06-05T11:19:00.004+08:00

Warning: This is one of those pointless posts that I make whenever I badly need to update this blog. LOL

Geez..., (*sad face) my last post received a zero "yawyaw" from my avid commentators. Hu-wwhhyyy...???

Finally, it's Friday and I'm stucked here with another pointless argument with the ever-pointless Dondon (*evil grin).

Recently, I discovered a song which immediately became my favorite, and of course, Leop's also... Jhet? Wanna make this your favorite also? LOL...

Anywayz, the VP called us for a meeting. I wonder what it could be about... This just means that we are now back to serious business (*sigh).

Two more days, and classes will start again. Whoa! Am I prepared? Am I? Am I? I got no choice but to be... (*another long sigh) Fortunately, I only have nine more subjects left. Weeeehhh...!!! I really hope I can graduate. No, I have to. I ought to. This semester, I can only take four subjects. Geez... Lots'a vacant time, lots'a working time, lots'a "laag" time. LOL...

I am actually very excited to work on our theme this year. Aside from yearbook stuffs, we are also planning to do many other things for the university. As most of the yearbook staff members this year are graduating, we want to leave something good to our Alma Mater (char..!)

Anywayz, my "laag" buddies are planning another pre-classes outing this weekend to prepare us for another stressful, mind-boggling months ahead. Weee...!

In the meantime, let me sing my new favorite song.... (LOL)

♫I told you so, ♪ oh I told you so♪
♪ I told you some ♫ day you come crawling back and asking ♫ me to take you in
♫I told you so, ♫ but you had to go ♪

LOL.... =)

Biting my Own Tongue: A Realization

2009-05-21T11:36:00.004+08:00

I was browsing through my old posts when it dawned on me how my blog posts revolved on only one subject. I just realized that most of my posts before were directed to only one subject matter.

"Trust and men are two words that don't belong in a sentence together." I can still remember how I despised this somebody when I wrote this post. I was still enraged during that time when I wrote this.

"A Stupe on Her Gaffes" was written after I repeatedly did something that I consider horrible. That was indeed a stupid mistake. To recall my words...- "I have done the most horrible thing on earth! And..., not only did I do it once.... Can you believe it? I made the same mistake twice. Okey..., probably it isn't the most horrifying thing in the planet, but for me it was! I don't even want to think about it, because everytime I do, I feel mortified with myself. Now, I always ask myself what came into me that I let two perverts fool me... Whoa..., maybe I was just being a real stupe! Poor me... tsk.. tsk... tsk..." Well, at least I realized my own stupidity (*wink)

Then came the controversial Untitled posts. It was like a series actually. "How many times do I still have to lie?" I asked on the first series. "Why did he choose to love her?", goes the drama on the second. Then, the sad realization on the final part: "But I would rather live with my gazillions of "what ifs", than to discern the reality that could hurt me twice as much."

I also wrote him a letter here. "How can I believe you when you were so inconsistent right from the start?", I was shouting then. (*sigh)

So many things have happened, that until now I cannot just think why I still favored this person, despite everything. People around me are very curious of how sudden things may have been. Well, for them, things have been sudden, but the truth is, this rooted way, way back. There came a time when things seemed okay between us, but both of us still can't handle the consequences that are about to arise, so we both decided to stop. I was able to write this poem after all those disappointments.

Maybe it was really planned to be like that. Because no matter how hard I tried to push away whatever I think should be forgotten, there and THERE would always be an incident that would keep us together. I was about to leave things behind when I wrote this post. I once wrote this: "I knew it! I was certain of it! And now, I am trying to be definite about it. No more turning back, Janj. No more turning to the wrong path. This is one of those things that I really have to face no matter how shameful and appalling it may be. Then I guess, I just have to cope with it. I cannot turn back the time. If only I could, I will never hesitate to do so. I will never be shilly-shally to change my ways or correct my wrongdoings. I've had enough and that should be it. No more additions to it. I have been certain but I've also been frail and stupid to let skewed things be. I am now officially putting a period to it all. And this time, by all means, it's indubitable."

I just laughed out loud when I read again this post. I almost forgot how I set standards and all for men. From voice to toes, hair to hands, and even scent... Then I realized, he never fits among these standards. In fact, he is the total opposite. Biting my own tongue again... (*sigh)

Never did I thought that this time would ever come. I mean, after everything...? He kept on bugging me again, and this time he is determined to win me back. Another untitled post was made, expressing my uncertainties and doubts. The "dark alley" there is actually my "going back to him". I did not know what was about to come up, but still, "With strong determination, I bravely walk to the dark alley, not knowing the danger that awaits me... not minding the admonitions that I hearken. Ahead is unknown... it is an enigma that will only be unveiled through time and reason. Ahead lie the answers, the truth, the key to the mystery."

It was like a roller coaster ride. Eventually, this thing just happened. It even caught me off-guard. I wasn't really expecting that history will just repeat itself. Everything can be traced back in this blog, after all. Other people may have been surprised, but those who are always around me knew ever since. THIS STORY WAS NEVER A SUDDEN SWIFT... ONLY HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF. Errr.... I am hoping for a different ending this time. (*wink)

"Tinuod...?"

2009-05-12T15:54:00.004+08:00

Geezz... I guess my previous post has indeed caused a little hullabaloo in this side of the net, and well, stirred up the minds of the people concerned (err.., the people who let themselves be concerned).

I often hear some of my colleagues asking my friends, "tinuod?". And my ever-loyal buddies would just shrug and say "ambot.." or "huh? Duh,... etchuzz ra gud.." I just shake my head and laugh at all these. Whew! So, is this really the price of being famous? LOL...

Well, before anybody show to me their raised eyebrows and ask me nonsense, let me make things clear. Whatever ensued in my personal life now, happened because of a reason. And never did I break my own rule. Before I made this controversial decision, I made sure that I wouldn't be stuck in the middle of a mess (read: something has been done to make things proper- and leaving is one).

I won't elaborate on that. But, if you're curious enough, ask me and I'll decide whether you are really worth my confidence.

Whoa! I guess I've said enough. Vacation is almost over, and I am enjoying every little bit of it. This is actually my first vacation spent outside of Holy Child and hopefully, this would be my last summer vacation as a college student. I cannot believe how I've survived those summer vacations working and not hanging out with friends. That is why, I am trying to make this vacation worthwhile and truly memorable. Although I have to frequently visit the office and do my obligations, I still find time to enjoy and hang out with my buddies.

My late afternoons are scheduled, and so do my weekends. Nan! And I am planning to visit my hometown, Mabinay, or go on a trip to Siquijor before the enrollment (which marks the start of the Yearbook 2010 production) starts. How I really wish, I could go.

And for those who are still asking, "TINU-OD?". Harhar... Wag ka nah...! Wag kang jar...!

Me and You

2009-04-21T14:05:00.004+08:00

Is this fate or mere coincidence?
Is this for real or falsehood again?
Is this the right thing or we just don’t know what we’re doing?
Questions seem to be endless,
Uncertainties make me restless.
Should we? Should I?

May those things that we’ve gone through
Be our ultimate guide as we go
Nothing is certain, you know
But as long as there is love, we’ll make it through.
We don’t know what lies ahead,
What would become of us is uncertain
Still, amidst all these indecisions,
Only one thing matters,
That, right now, there is me and you.

Very First Shot and Pet Society Invasion

2009-04-20T16:20:00.009+08:00

It was April 16, 2008, 9:26 pm when I had my very first time drinking something other than fit n right, softdrink, and water. Uh-huh... I had my very first sip of RH.

It was Bea who handed me a glass with a quarter full of beer, and because it was her special day, though hesitant, I still opted to take the glass. Urgh! I had to close my eyes and try not to smell the "beer-y" smell of the liquid before I drew the glass close to my mouth. I just couldn't help but grimace at its taste, and worse, at letting it flow through my system. Bea then gave me a reassuring hug, thanking me over and over because she thought it was the sweetest gesture someone like me could ever give to a friend.

My friends are considerate enough to give me just a little amount everytime they pass the glass on to me. They even marked the glass (with my name on it) to give me just enough for one gulp.

Anyway, the rest of the night was spent joking around, laughing, and picture-taking. Oh, I suddenly remember how we we woke up at around two in the morning and laughed at no particular reason at all. We just laughed and laughed until we got tired and went back to sleep, trying to fit ourselves on the couch at ARCKE. That was indeed, one heck of a night.

On the other hand, the Pylonites + the ARCKEians seem to be dominating Facebook this time. It's bye-bye time to Friendster now (uh-owh), as we found FB more fun. One of the contributing factor for this is the Pet Society craze. Whew! We're, like, back to being grade school-ers again.

Here's my cute, little Whabbie:

With Puhleez at Puhleez's place:

With Ed's Mr. Bean at his home:

With Jhet's Shoeshine:

Aren't they just adorable? I wonder if we could have a group picture with all of my friends at the society? Hmmnn...

Ironies....

2009-04-14T18:01:00.005+08:00

Have you been in a crazy situation when you just don't seem to know if you are really happy with what's going on in your life or you are just pretending to be? When you don't know if you're doing the right thing, because you don't even know what's right or wrong in the first place? When you are not sure if the situation has changed you or you changed yourself because of the situation?

Whew! I think I just let myself get caught in this helluva situation. (*sigh)

Did I just realize how a kurg I have been? I am always seen as somebody who should be looked up on but nobody has yet seen the many flaws in me that I've been struggling to conceal. Nobody has dared to rip me open to see the very core of my existence, because I haven't even done it myself. Nobody has ever known the real me, simply because I never allow them.

I have been a great confidante, a good listener to my friends. Everybody comes and shares all their problems to me, but nobody really knows mine.

Maybe, it's just the reality. The very people who are very trusted are also the people who are never trusting.

How ironic life is...

Photo by ~shway--dude of DeviantArt...

Holy Week Escapades...

2009-04-08T09:19:00.009+08:00

We started it with a Palm Sunday night swimming, then a Holy Monday beach reel, and then a Holy Wednesday and Maundy Thursday "house hibernation" and photography adventure. Had it not been because of financial constraints, we could have went directly to my hometown, Mabinay, to spend the Good Friday and Black Saturday there. And so, because, I ran out of "dada" (read: money), I decided to stay home and finish reading "The Divine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood."

Whatta week, indeed. Well, I was just enjoying the long holiday because I need to get back to work on Monday (sigh). I've composed quite a number of blogger stuffs (including a continuation of that "walking in the dark" post), but I wasn't able to bring my little journal with me. So, I will be posting those next time.

Here are some pictures from my Holy Week escapades (I wasn't able to get some from the Tanjay adventure):

Now, I'm conserving energy again for the Summer Workshops...:-(

To the one I hurt so badly...

2009-04-01T14:54:00.002+08:00

I really don't know how to start this because I know how much trouble and pain I caused you. You may think that I was able to take all these things so easily, but please believe me when I tell you that it took me all the strength left in me to say those words to you.

You were always there for me, and I thank you for that. I appreciate all the efforts you've exerted just to show me what I am to you and I thank you for the time you've spared for me.

You know all about THESE. You've always known.

I do not mean to cause you pain. I never wanted to hurt you.

At first I thought it would be so easy for me to love you, but I was wrong. I thought I would learn to let go of the past, but I was wrong. I thought I would learn to forget him and move on, but I was so wrong.

I never wanted to hurt you. But if hurting you means not being unfair to you and being honest to myself, I'd rather do it.

I am sorry. I really am.

2009-03-25T12:46:00.005+08:00

Walking past these empty streets, feeling the misty coldness of the late afternoon air, I lingered on these reveries of you and I. How I longed to be wrapped around your sweet embrace, to be filled with your loving caress, to be told of those melodious words I've been yearning for so long.

I continued to walk through the darker alley now... walking past random people whose faces are vague and insignificant. They stared at me... curiosity in their eyes. I do not seem to mind, for I continued to walk with faster pace. I looked ahead... to a bigger crowd... not minding the disbelieving eyes around me.

God knows how I tried, he knows how I strive. But no matter how hard I struggled to push your memories away, it continues to live, it continues to slowly kill me.

With strong determination, I bravely walk to the dark alley, not knowing the danger that awaits me... not minding the admonitions that I hearken. Ahead is unknown... it is an enigma that will only be unveiled through time and reason. Ahead lie the answers, the truth, the key to the mystery.

And I continued to walk... with persistence... seeking for the unknown.

-to be continued...-

Credits to Jheck for the picture above...

Celebrating achievements and friendship, the Pylon way...

2009-03-24T10:08:00.016+08:00

Purple shirts, multi-colored prints, cold rooms, comfy beds, great food, breathtaking view, awesome beach, inexhaustible picture-taking, a ceremonial toast, exuberant Cultural Night, sad farewells, happy hellos, untiring movie marathons, boys vs. girls game of Charades, rapturous swimming, a big, and very happy family.

The 4th Yearbook Camp was indeed a blast! As the organizer of the event, I am very pleased with all the outcome. The smiles on the faces of the participants, the contented faces of the advisers, and the taps on the shoulders and congratulations from everybody have wiped away the weariness that I felt that time. Although, it was just short, still, everybody enjoyed a lot.

The evaluation of the Pylon 2009 brought joy and inexplicable happiness to everyone. The feedback from the different campuses were heartwarming and flattering. Aside from a few minor errors, which I think can never be avoided, the Pylon 2009 brought a positive feedback and many compliments from the graduates, the faculty and staff, the administrators, and the university president. Everybody is so glad and overjoyed with the comments of the advisers.

"This is the best yearbook I ever saw, the best yearbook we've ever produced. Congratulations." Those were the words of the university president, as narrated by Ma'am Lucille, our external campus adviser. "The comments and responses that we've heard really made our hearts grow big," said Ma'am Lucille.

The Planning for the Pylon 2010 then followed. We've come up with a good theme for the next book and everybody are excited to start getting their hands to work. The new staff line up was made known to everybody and the new heads were introduced.

The highlight of the event was the Cultural Night, showcasing the hidden talents of every Pylonite (*wink). Every department presented their unique and crazy talent presentations. We also paid tribute to the graduating Pylonites. We made AVP's and other stuffs for them. The farewell part was the saddest and tears were shed as we bid goodbye and wished them good luck. A ceremonial toast was also done in celebration of the success of the Pylon 2009 and for good luck for the Pylon 2010. It also signifies unity and productivity of the Pylon.

Another event will follow the Yearbook Camp- the 1st Pylon Summer Seminar Workshop, which will be done starting March 30. A series of seminars and lectures are organized in preparation for the next edition of the Pylon.

I am sharing here some pics from the camp:

"Ti, happy ka na?"

2009-03-09T10:55:00.013+08:00

“Oh. Nadeliver namon ha… Ti, happy ka na?” Says Sir Rommel, the sales manager of Makinaugalingon Press, with a teasing smile. They were about to go back to Iloilo then after promptly delivering the yearbooks. “Hu-oh… happy eh…”, I replied with a big grin.

At long last, I already saw the fruit of all our labors. After all the sleepless nights, the crying times, the “pangasaba and yawyaw” galore, the cutting classes, the "emo" posts, etc…etc…, we were still able to produce the Pylon 2009 Yearbook and the Pylon Interactive on time.

My happiness that time was indescribable. The sense of fulfillment and satisfaction that I felt was beyond description. (Char! OA pod... hehe)

Whenever I think of how I cried during the last Yearbook Camp, when I learned that the biggest responsibility in Pylon was handed on to me, I just smile. All the hesitations and doubts that I felt before just vanished. Now, I'm ready to take on the next challenge. (mag start na sa Pylon 2010? haha...) The compliments and congratulations from the other staff members, advisers, some students who were able to see the book, and even the ex-adviser and the ex-EIC, made me even more confident. It's as if, all the exhaustion and fatigue that I felt were lifted off. "Naibot na jud and tunok sa dughan, Jan?", teased Sir Jo, our former adviser. "Finally, Sir. Baling dakoa dagway sa tunok na naibot," I replied.

At least, now I already know the process and all the ins and outs in yearbook making. I learned so many things along the way. Good thing all went out just fine, because one wrong move in Pylon already means failure in accomplishing the main goal.

A big "thank you" also to the Makinaugalingon people, to Sir Joseph, Sir Vincent, Sir Rommel, Mr. and Mrs. Mejica, and everybody who helped out, for not failing us. During our last visit there last February 28, we've seen how they worked hard just to meet the deadline. And of course, the yearbook 2009 won't be possible without the cooperation and teamwork of the Pylonites. I am just so thankful that I have the full support and help from all of them. (My complete speech at the EIC's page in the yearbook. hehe..)

We made it, guys! Next yearbook na pod...!

"Happy na gid..." hehe

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

2009-02-21T00:43:00.005+08:00

“Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?” Goes an old Latin phrase which literally translates to "Who will guard the guards themselves," and is variously translated in colloquial English as "Who watches the watchmen?", "Who watches the watchers?", "Who will guard the guards?", "Who shall watch the watchers?" or other similar translations.

Some people may claim that they are the watchers, guards, protectors of the truth, but who watches over them? Who watches over the watchers themselves? Who makes certain that the guards are really safeguarding what they are supposed to protect and not abusing the power and authority given to them? What if they are the ones who taint, pollute and corrupt the very thing that they are guarding, for their own selfish reasons, for their own egocentric satisfaction?

Knowing the influence that you can deliver to people doesn’t give you the freedom to maliciously stain other people’s repute, nor does it give you the freedom to include your selfish intentions. Anyway, what’s done has been done. Whatever damage they wanted to cause, they’ve successfully inflicted it.

“Qui tacet consentire.” But, this time, my being silent doesn’t mean that I assent to whatever has been going out. Anyway, why should I be intimidated or affected, when I know that the guards weren’t doing the guarding well.

“Si finis bonus est, totum bonum erit.” Was it good then? Let’s just see…

... and all that crap...!

2009-02-14T22:49:00.008+08:00

Whew! I almost forgot that it's Valentines Day today. (*wink!) Thanks to those who greeted at 1 a.m this morning. They were the ones who reminded me about what this day is supposed to mean.

Anywayz, it has been such a long day. We conducted the screening of the aspiring applicants for our yearbook staff. It was so tiring that I decided to just stay in the office, and well, spend the Valentines night here... (*sniffs) Some friends texted me and invited me for a group date and all that, but it seems that I can no longer drag myself to celebrate this day with them. My week has been a total chaos. But, fortunately, we were finally able to finish the Interactive Yearbook. (yipeee!!) After all those sleepless nights and skipping of classes, we already saw the fruit of our labors. (*applauses)

Just weeks ago, we bought shirts, printed it with crappy stuffs (thanks Jhetty), and decided to wear it today. And so, we flaunted our new shirts on the V-Day!

harhar... Thanks Jhetty... We owe you one. Anyway, we aren't anti-Valentines or whatever, we just don't feel like celebrating it like everybody else.

Ditto...

2009-02-05T00:15:00.004+08:00

Just when I thought my busy days are through, that I suddenly found another set of tiresome works thwacked in front of me. Whoa! I think I’m losing my nerves! It’s like everything suddenly fell on the wrong place, and I’m caught up in the middle of it all. Puhleeezzz…! I’m so drained already!

My studies now is a blur. I don’t know if I can still pass my subjects. Because of my responsibilities in the office, I can no longer attend my classes. Instead of studying at night, I always find myself stucked in my yearbook tasks. I guess, all of these has something to do with the “keeping-up-the-achievements factor”, which, by the way frustrates me a lot. I’m so tired listening to the “sa una” stuffs. I’m so tired leading some people who now have a different priority. I’m so tired bickering with some people about things they "very well know". I don’t know if I can still make it next semester. Really… I guess, I just have to finish the semester and say goodbye to my studies next school year. Whoa! I’m so confused! I’ve been thinking of quitting from school already, because if I will still continue this, I’m afraid my transcript won’t look good anymore. I’m losing interest in my studies already and I no longer make good in my subjects. (*sigh)

Oh, and by the way, can you just please postpone that aggravating problems at home? I think I’m going nuts! My family problems seem to have sensed my agony in school and probably wanted my sullen attention. There seems to have so many glitches anywhere I go. Whatever happened to the “snakes are lucky this year” ??? Whatever happened to the “ten lucky months and two regular ones”??? Well, actually, I’m not really into astrology and horoscope stuffs, but I still can’t help but get frustrated.

As of yet, I’ve already decided on what to do in case my grades will disappoint me. I’ve already thought of a path to take in case things get worse. I know so many things will be affected by this decision, but I think I really need to do this. Hello? My future is at stake here! Maybe a little detour would help. But, one thing’s for sure, I will never do to my people the same thing that once disheartened me a lot... I will never leave them hanging on the brink.

Why, Why, Math?!

2009-01-19T19:14:00.007+08:00

I'm hopeless....! Really...! Why do numbers hate me? (*sniffs)

Can't really write much today. I'm super frustrated over that horrible score I got...

Types of College Students (as classified by me)

2009-01-08T10:33:00.000+08:00

I was all sleepy and tired when I went to my Business Law class yesterday. I was really not planning to attend until my classmate texted me and told me that we will have a quiz. Actually, yesterday was just my third time to attend this class since the beginning of the second semester last October (*wink). Well, who would want to attend a class that's so boring it could cause you all your strength to even lift a pen. Who would want to always see a professor who is like a human sleeping pill himself? And who would want to always listen to your prof's monotone and scratchy voice? Yup, my class is all that!

Anyway, I went to that class really unprepared. I don't even have a copy of the lessons that we have taken up. I sat in my usual seat at the back part of the room (I chose this seat because I usually do multiple tasks at the same time-- reading a book, writing articles, texting, and pretending to listen to the professor, all at once). And so the test started and I just found myself staring at the board, having no idea at all of what he was talking about. I stayed like that for minutes until my seatmate whispered something to me. I glanced at his direction and he shoved his paper to me. What the??? He had his paper full of answers already! For just a very short time? Then I realized that my seatmate already got his answer sheet even before entering the class. Whew! Amazing, aigh't?

My good and evil sides were fighting then. Will I cheat or will I just be ready to accept an F? Whoa! But I just did what any typical college stude will do in that situation. I accepted the paper and immediately copied from it. I then found out that half of the students in that class already have answer sheets even before taking that quiz (just like my seatmate) and the other half are either copying from those ready-made answer sheets (like myself) or copying directly from their notes (like the girl across from me). (*sigh) Then I realized, there are really different kinds of students. I classified them like this:

1. The geniuses - they are the natural-born brilliant minds. They are the good ones in the class, and in situations like that, they are most likely to get the answers without doing anything nasty.

2. The radars - they are the friendly students who know almost everyone in the earlier classes. They are the ones who usually get the questions and answers from their friends from the previous classes. As a result, they already know the questions and answers even before anyone in their class does and even before the professor starts the exam.

3. The cheaters - they are the in-born tricksters. They either leak examination papers or hide notes in their pockets, cellphones, or body parts (depending on how strict the professor is). They know all sorts of cheating strategies and are experts in using them appropriately.

4. The parasites - they are the natural-born leeches who rely on what the other students got. They usually make friends with either of the first three classes. But, usually, they befriend all of them so that they can sit beside the ones whose strategy is the safest to use.

Hmmn, I think I became a parasite in that situation (*laughs). But, I am very versatile, you know. I can be either of them, depending on the need. har har... =D

Whew! It's Christmas time once again! And I am now officially opening my line for gifts-- (cash or in-kind is accepted). haha...

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Five Little Details I Notice About Men

2009-01-04T22:14:00.000+08:00

My friends often tell me that I am a person of such mordant wit. Well, what can I do? I think I was born with an incisive and trenchant personality, and people who are close to me can attest to that (who else can? They are always my victim. haha...) Actually, I only notice those things which stirs up my interest, and I am very vocal about them.

I had a little chit-chat with a friend this morning and we were discussing about this new guy she keeps on eyeing for the past days. Well, he really isn't that bad looking, but, he's just not somebody who can have me spun around for another glance. Hmmn..., well, for one, he isn't gifted with the height and built that I have set as the standard for boys. I told this to my friend, and as usual it caused some pout on the lips and a glare that's as fierce as my Bio teacher's. Well, what can I do? I'm just being honest (haha)

When it comes to boys, I look for a lot of details. Aside from the over-all personality (wit, attitude, etc.. etc..), girls usually notice little things that we don't usually point out to guys. Here is my top 5:

5.) Voice - Quality of voice is really a plus factor to me. I like it when a guy talks in a DJ-like voice (*wink), making even the dullest phrase sound so sweet. Also, a well-modulated voice can make someone sound witty.

4.) Toes - I like men who takes care of his toes and feet. For me, it shows cleanliness and hygiene. I like it when a guy wears slippers, revealing his neat toes. =)

3.) Hair - Hmmn..., I really love guys with fragrant, clean cut hair. I don't usually go for a specific style, as long as it makes a guy look neat and cute.

2.) Hands - For me, it's really a must for a guy to have clean, neatly trimmed fingernails and well-taken care hands. I also notice the way he holds his cellphone and he types on the keyboard. I don't like super mushy hands though, because it would look gayish already.

1.) Scent - Whoa! Believe it or not, this is the last thing that I forget about a person. Gone are the words, gone are the moments , but the scent of a person really lingers. I miss a person because I miss his scent. Yep, that's how weird I am.

Well, these are but trivial, petty details only. What matters most though is the way a person behaves and talks. It's still the personality and character that counts. And, oh well, the looks also is a plus (haha).

Anywayz, I already started reading the most-talked-about book, Twilight. Yep, it's official, I am now a certified Twilighter (LOL). I think I am already in love with Edward, you know. I really haven't thought that I would fall in love with a vampire (geeessshhh). Well, if vampires are real and they really exist, and they are as handsome, brilliant, sweet, and kind as Edward, I'd rather have them than normal human beings (hahaha)

Ciao! Have a nice weekend, folks!!!

My 2008: Looking Back

2009-01-02T11:00:00.002+08:00

Whew! 2008 is finally over and 2009 is already in. Geez... parang kailan lang..

My 2008 has been like a roller coaster ride. So many things have happened, that I sometimes wonder if my life story can pass for Maalaala Mo Kaya or something (hahaha). Well, here is a sort of a recap of the significant events of my 2008:,

January -
It was when I was formally accepted as an official staff writer of the Pylon (the yearbook of our university where I am a staff of), after being an affiliate for a semester and a half. So, I then have to face three responsibilities- Holy Child (where I also work as a clerical aide), Pylon, and my studies. It was so hard at first to cope up with my schedule, but later on, I just got over it.

February -
Nothing much of significance happened this month, except that it's Valentine's Day, and I was dateless... hehe

March -
I was chosen to be the next Editor-in-Chief. Yep, and until now, I still haven't figured out what has gotten into the minds of the previous EIC and our adviser to choose me as the next Editor-in-Chief/Mama/All-around-slave, when in fact, I am just a novice in this field. It was also on this month when I got frustrated with one of my grades. I got a grade lower than the mark required to be a dean's lister. All in all, this was a very sad month for me.., (*wink)

April -
My first Yearbook Camp as an editor-in-chief. The camp was super fun, yet there are instances when we all got very emotional..., me especially (*wink). Our adviser formally said goodbye, since he would be concentrating on his business and he was also planning to go abroad (he's already there now). It was also during the camp when my first leadership skill was tested. Well, I am never a toughie, so I always end up crying. I was then soooo afraid that I can't handle the position given to me.

May -
I finally decided to leave Holy Child Hospital (where I've worked for two years) and concentrate on my responsibilities for Pylon. I found it necessary to leave, for my new responsibility is very demanding. It was like being freed from a cage and entering prison (aw? hehe). Well, honestly, I wasn't very happy being in HCH, that I chose Pylon instead. So, that's it. I then had a more comfortable schedule because I gave up my job.

June -
The start of my new school life. I found my new schedule better than before because I no longer have to go outside the campus to have my duty (at HCH). However, it was still hard for me because this marks the first semester of my headship at Pylon. This is when we also decided to give our office a whole new look, make it more feminine, and all that. hehe...

July -
The results of the Nurses' Licensure Examination finally came out, and Ate passed. Finally, we have a nurse in the family! hehe

August -
The grueling tasks for the yearbook has officially begun. Since then, I no more had time at home (making it my bathroom already), and I sleep regularly at school. Sleeping that time meant dozing off for 2-3 hours, or if we get lucky and finish things early, we can sleep for five hours. And then, we had to wake up at 6:30 a.m. to clean the office and fix ourselves for our morning classes.

September -
Still struggling on my new position, and this time things had gotten worse. I kept on ranting, crying, and still trying to make things right. Anyway, I got over those times.

October -
Whew! Buglasan fever! First Pylon IPR! haha... Seems like October was such a busy month. The IPR was a blast! It was sooo fun... And we just can't have enough of the Buglasan Festival. hehe... However, this month is sooo memorable, because it was during this month that I was enraged and very furious of so many things. I don't wanna elaborate on this anymore, so just click HERE if you're curious enough.

November -
We made the halloween "spooky" by taking spooky pictures of ourselves... hehe... We took a break from our tasks and did a "Halloween Countdown", as if it's really something to celebrate... hehe... And, of course, who would forget the heartrending 4th of November, the earth-shattering day of the lives of the Pylonites (*wink)... The Love Hurts Day! haha...

December -
The Founders Day Celebration of NORSU was a blast! Different activities were prepared for the students. Fortunately, I got to enjoy a little of the festivities, even though my hectic schedule was killing me. Right after the Founders Day, we submitted all the materials for the printing of the yearbook to the printing press in Iloilo City. We did the proofreading there and got a chance to tour around the city. It was super fun, but then when we were on our way home, we were caught up in a gust of wind and giant waves, that we thought we won't be able to make it to the port. Thankfully, we survived. It's Christmastime once again. The Pylonites celebrated the Christmas and escaped from adulthood, as we partied as kids- complete with childish get ups and all that. hahaha... Well, that was one happy Christmas we had together, and we parted with best wishes for everyone.

My 2008 Top Hits

2009-01-02T10:08:00.003+08:00

Another year has come to an end, and another one peeks in and is very ready to kick a start. And.., well, just to look back at the year that was, I am sharing to the world the songs that have become memorable (ehem) to me and have become part of my 2008.

10. Almost over you (Sheena Easton)
- Well, this one is an oldy. I came to "bump" into this song when my mom, who is an inborn singer herself (ahem,,) sang this one time. The lyrics and melody caught my ears, so I started to memorize it and sang it over and over again until... until it aches no more??? aw... hahaha... Everytime I sing this song, I can't help but think of that stupid moron who was given the rarest opportunity to be noticed by me and being given my extraordinary attention... (huwaaaattt!!) haha... Well, I got over him, thank goodness..

9. Ache (James Carrington)
- ♫ Have I told you I ache? ♫♪ Aw? haha... Nah, I like the song because I can feel the sincerity in it. It's not that I ache for somebody or something. haha... Well, I'd probably kill to have someone sing this song in front of me (on folded knees, of course).. haha...

8. Linger (Cranberries)
- ♪♫ Do you have to? Do you have to let it linger? ♫ hahaha... You don't have to, because it's ridiculous. aw? I memorized this song before, but now all I can sing is the chorus part. hmmn, Eisen introduced to me this song and it caught my ears, so I came to like it.

7. Kismet (Silent Sanctuary)
- It means destiny or a predetermined course of events. Again, it's the sincerity of the song that I like so much. And well, I am a "Perfect Melancholy" by character, so naturally, I love sad songs.

6. Rehab (Rihanna)
- "♫I guess that's what I guess for wishful thinking. Should've never let you enter my door♫..." I just like the song, that's all... haha...

5. Decode (Paramore)
- OMG! I just love the lyrics of this song. It's also the official sound track of Twilight, so it's extra extra cool. hehe,.. I'm dedicating this song to my ever beloved Edward Cullen... aw? harhar..

4. Love Bug (Jonas Brothers)
- Whou wouldn't love this song? I mean it's super cute, isn't it? It's like being back to our high school days, when the first love bug stings.

3. I Don't Need a Man (Pussycat Dolls)
- Sorry guys.. aw? haha... Oftentimes, I've been asked about my love life and all that. and everytime somebody asks me, I always answer with.. "Duh, next question, please?" or "Huh? Unsa na? (what is that?)". And that answer always causes a smirk or a curious stare from the one asking. hahaha... Seriously, I just don't have much to say about this portion of my life. Just don't ask me if I even had a real boyfriend or something, because that would just shorten our conversation. hahaha...

2. If I were a Boy (Beyonce)
- "Aw, girl diay ka, Jan?" My guy friends would often joke me with that question everytime I act like a "real" girl. Hanging out, eating, laughing, and working overnight with the male staff of Pylon is already an ordinary thing to me. That is why, I am often bugged, as "one of the boys". Well, if I were a boy, I'd probably be a REAL one. haha... it's up to you to consider that.

1. Miss Independent (Ne-yo)
- "♫She got her own thing, that's why I love her♫" Well, I think I got my own thing and I prefer being alone, doing my thing. aw? well, I am independent, that is. harhar...♥

Iloilo Escapade

2008-12-08T20:38:00.014+08:00

Whew! Kaila mog hang over?

It was like I just survived from a tornado blast that lasted for a week! I was not able to really enjoy the week-long Founders Day. How could I when my mind is full of nothing else but the materials for the yearbook? How could I possibly enjoy the different activities that were arrayed for this grand event when I have a bunch of things to do, people to communicate with, and a whole lot more? And how could I possibly feel the excitement when I'm all disappointed and upset by some people with crazy ideas and decisions? Geez... That was indeed one hell of a week!

Anywayz, on the brighter side, we were finally able to submit the final materials for the printing of the yearbook. Yipppeee!!! We submitted everything right after the end of the Founders Day as we still need pictures from the Hugyawan Festival, the last activity.

Our four-day stay in Iloilo was indeed a blast. Though most of our time there was spent proofreading, checking and editing, we still had fun. We were brought to Iloilo's finest restaurants every night and we got to tour around the city. Thanks to Makinaugalingon Press' hospitality (*wink).

We thought that trip will end up also with a lot of fun. Unfortunately, when we were on our way home, we experienced the scariest ride in our lives ever. The weather wasn't really good that time that the ferry boat that we were riding on was struggling through the giant waves along the way. It was like a ferris wheel ride. Luckily, we were able to arrive in Bacolod safe and sound. We talked about that experience then, and we found ourselves laughing over the things that we did while we were still in the middle of the angry sea. Then I thought, what if that was really our end there? I still got a lot of unfinished business here on earth, you know. Then, I wouldn't be able to see the fruit of our labor- the printed yearbook; I wouldn't be able to give my staff my last instructions (*wink); I wouldn't be able to distribute my pasalubongs; and our names and pictures will then be in the yearbook with this bold letters on top: IN MEMORY OF... waaaahhh!!! Crazy thoughts, eh? I shivered by the very sound of it.

Thank goodness we are still alive and kicking. My only prayer that time is for the Lord to guide the boat safely to the port. And He did. God is really good to me, despite everything.

Anywayz, here are some of the pics during that very unforgettable experience we had in Iloilo:

The Irony of Life

2008-11-18T20:12:00.007+08:00

Someone: It just feels so awful knowing that the very person whom you consider to be the closest person in your life suddenly turns you down. The very person whom you consider to be the most important just look at you 'lowly'.

Me: Huh? Hmmn... does it have something to do with _ _ _?

Someone: Do you know the feeling when people ridicule you, and no one stands by you? No one defends you?

Me: Duh... That just goes to show... and why would you care anyway? Don't you know that more people appreciate and admire you than those who scoff at you?

Someone: (pouting) But I don't care about those people. What I only care about is how that person sees me and gives me even a little importance.

Me: (shaken, but struggled to keep calm) So, you mean... Ai... just never mind...

Someone: Do you know how bad it feels when that someone tells you, right in front of your face, that you are USELESS??? When that person yells at you, in front of your friends? It really hurts, you know... (tears started to roll down his cheeks again)

Me: Useless. Root word? Use. Don't you get it? haaaiii... never mind...

(another 20 minutes of silence)

Someone: Well, she is right, anyway. Just look at me. I just look so craggy and ....

Me: Ah ok... So it's insecurity. You're just like that. You've always been like that. And we whole-heartedly accepted you for being like that. If that somebody can't accept you, then....

Someone: To whom will I do everything for? I think I'm losing my focus now.

Me: For yourself at least. You can't let anybody love you if you can't even learn to love yourself. Well, it's your choice,anyway. Misery is your choice. Everything is your choice. If you choose to stay like that, then you will really stay like that. There are so many things you need to do. Just don't look at only one side. There are so many people who look up on you.

This is an excerpt from a conversation I had. Whew! So it's really like that, huh? I just feel bad knowing that he doesn't really care for us, the people who are always behind him and whose arms are always open wide for him. Well, again, it's his choice. Still, we chose to stay by him.

Well, this is life - so ironic. But, I just can't understand why some people keep on trying to fit themselves on the very little space their so-called "important person" gives them. When in fact, they have so many real friends whom they can truly trust, who can understand them more than any other people can, who are always willing to lend a hand, and most of all, accept them as they are.

Love Hurts Day

2008-11-04T12:20:00.008+08:00

I really haven't thought that this moment will just come all of a sudden and catch us off guard. Can you believe it? The freakiest, craziest, and the most outrageous people that ever set foot on the surface of the earth, can also get veeerrryyy emotional. No, really..., kidding aside, I was like perturbed upon realizing that an "emotional outbreak" (*wink) is actually happening inside our office. The guys here who have been acting like a toughie have just shown their soft side and the girls have become "cry babies". Is this epidemic airborne or something, or does it have to do with the weather?

Hmmn..., when did all of these start? Who initiated this lunacy? Is it because of this "walking enigma" who cut her hair to lessen her burden, or this "nomad wandering through Nowhereland" who suddenly realized that he has to give up his greatest vice. Well, actually, we can also put the blame on this certain "virus" which some of the Pylonites have greatly enjoyed but eventually just flew away from their grasps, leaving them flabbergasted and dumbfounded. (Sigh) Hmmn... What is this virus called again? LOVE??? Yep, I think that is how it's called.

Anywayz..., even though this spate have affected us both mentally and emotionally, still it has done something good to us. The communication lines unexpectedly opened wider, making loose some of the most "sacred" stuffs we have been keeping after all this time. And we then realized that even through our lowest point, we have each other to hold and lean on.

To memorialize this earth-shattering event in the lives of the Pylonites, we are hereby declaring this day as the heartrending "Love Hurts Day"...

One Spooky Halloween

2008-11-01T00:23:00.007+08:00

5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Happy Halloween!!!

WE welcomed the Halloween with some sorts of absurdities tonight. Well, what else can you expect from a bunch of Pylonites who are spending the holidays in the office?

We took a break from our yearbook tasks and decided to have a countdown for the Halloween in the open courts of our campus, also hoping to catch some spooky events around. We took crazy pictures of everyone and had so much fun. We then found out that we have additional company. It's not only us who had fun taking pictures... Geez..., isn't that spooky?

Buglasan Fever

2008-10-28T20:57:00.011+08:00

Every year, the province of Negros Oriental holds the majestic Buglasan Festival. I didn't get the chance to fully enjoy the festivities, but, geeez, I'd slap myself if I wouldn't be able to at least see the booths, the street parade, and the grand fireworks display. Luckily, the other Pylonites shared the same sentiments with me (wink). So, we didn't miss the chance to take pictures of this annual event. I am sharing here some of our pics:

2008-10-25T10:34:00.011+08:00

I saw this tag in divinediu's blog. Though she did not really tag me at all, I just felt like tagging myself with this... lol...

I am : outlandish (really...)

I think : of stuffs that shouldn't be thought of...

I know : that things change and nothing is really permanent (even people)

I want : a quiet and peaceful weekend alone...

I have : done the same mistake over and over again (I hate to admit this, but I still do it)

I wish : I'm stronger...

I hate : the people who also hate me

I miss : my old self

I fear : being not good enough...

I hear : my favorite song right now...("♪♪Do you ♫ have to, ♫do you have to ♪, do you have to let it linger ♪♫♫")

I smell : the heavenly aroma of morning coffee...

I crave : for pizza and ice cream... (slurp)

I search : for true happiness and answers to my questions... (well, who doesn't?)

I wonder : if I could right all my wrongs...

I regret : a lot of things. The mistakes I made and the things that I haven't had the courage to do...

I love : many people, though I can't even love myself yet...

I ache : when people don't give a damn to people who care... (ashishishi)

I was not : like this before... My life wasn't this messy... until...

I am not : my real self... I wear a lot of masks everyday...

I cry : when I'm angry and so down...

I believe : that everything is possible... The impossible just takes longer...

I dance : when I feel like dancing...

I sing : the songs that mean something to me and when I want somebody to hear what the song means...

I read : courtroom novels... Just can't resist them...

I don't always : lie... But when I do, I'm damn good at it...

I fight : to survive... (wink) when I have to protect myself and the people I love...

I write : to pour out my emotions and sentiments...

I win : when I see you bleeding (ngeks... hehe)

I lose : when I cry in front of my enemy...

I never : ♪♪really loved you anyway...♫♫ (yeah)

I always : hurt myself... Duh... (wake me up, will yah?)

I confuse : places and directions (yeah, very often...)

I listen : only to those who are worth lending my ears...

I can usually be found : in the office or in my bedroom... (I go nowhere else...)

I am scared : of a lot of things that might happen, of secrets that will be revealed, and a whole lot more...

I need : real people, real friendship, real love...

I am happy : when it feels right and things are perfect...

I wake up: each day as a different person...

I sleep: thinking of my stupid mistakes and thinking of what mask might be fitting for the next day...

Thanks Divinediu... Now, I'm tagging everybody on my blogroll...

16 Ways to Manage Your Anger

2008-10-21T01:02:00.004+08:00

Life is full of frustrating moments — here are some helpful tips from: http://www.realsimple.com/

Anger Style: Explosive
What It Looks Like: “If you leave your jacket on the floor one more time, I’m leaving you!” It may take a lot to push you over the edge, but when you get there, the earth shakes and people run for cover. It may take a lot to push you over the edge, but when you get there, the earth shakes and people run for cover.

Why You Might Do It: If you were never taught how to deal with irritation, you may habitually swallow it until you can swallow no more. Eventually your top will blow. Some people are anger junkies, who get off on the adrenaline rush of an emotional explosion, not to mention the fact that the onslaught can mean they get their way — at least in the short term.

The Damage: It is virtually impossible to feel empathy and anger simultaneously, so in the heat of the moment, you are more likely to say and do overly harsh things that you later regret.

How to Turn It Around
# Wait it out. “Research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds,” says Ronald Potter-Efron, Ph.D., an anger-management specialist in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and a coauthor of Letting Go of Anger (New Harbinger, $16, www.amazon.com). Beyond that, it takes a commitment to stay angry. Mentally recite the Pledge of Allegiance or count to 10 and see if the urge to explode has diminished.

# Own your emotions. A simple rephrasing of your feelings can help you feel more in control. “I’m really upset by your behavior” is much more effective and empowering than %#*&@!

Anger Style: Sarcasm
What It Looks Like: “It’s OK that you’re late. I had time to read the menu — 40 times.” You find a roundabout way of getting your digs in, with a half smile.

Why You Might Do It: You were probably raised to believe that expressing negative emotions directly isn’t OK, so you take a more indirect route. If folks get mad, it’s their fault, not yours. After all, you were just kidding. Can’t people take a joke?

The Damage: Even though couched in wit, your cutting comments can damage your relationships. Although some people insist that mockery is a form of intellectual humor, the very word sarcasm is related to the Greek word sarkazein, meaning “to tear flesh like dogs.” Ouch.

How to Turn It Around
# Give it to them straight. “Sarcasm is passive-aggressive communication,” explains counselor Carlos R. Todd. Find words to express how you feel head-on. You might explain to a tardy friend, say, after you’re seated, “I wish you would try to be on time, especially when you know we have limited time.”

# Be firm and clear. This is especially true with children, to whom a gentle “Jumping on the furniture is not acceptable” sends a much clearer message than the snarky “Don’t worry — we just happen to have $2,000 set aside for a new sofa.”

# Speak up before you get bitter. Exercising assertiveness prior to arriving at your personal breaking point can help prevent a sarcastic streak from popping out.

Anger Style: Avoidance
What It Looks Like: “I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything’s fine.” Even when there’s a fireball of rage burning in your gut, you paste on a happy face and dodge any display of irritation. This isn’t passive aggression; it’s buried aggression.

Why You Might Do It: “Women in particular are told over and over again to be nice no matter what. Get angry and you could lose your reputation, marriage, friends, or job,” says anger-management specialist Ronald Potter-Efron, Ph.D.. If you grew up in a volatile or abusive home, you may not believe anger can be controlled or expressed calmly.

The Damage: The primary function of anger is to signal that something is amiss and encourage resolution. By ignoring that warning sign, you may end up engaging in self-destructive behaviors (overeating, excessive shopping). You’re also basically giving the green light to other people’s bad behavior or denying them the opportunity to make amends. How can they apologize if they don’t know you’ve been hurt?

How to Turn It Around
# Challenge your core beliefs. Ask yourself, “Is it really fine for my employees to leave early whenever they want? For my partner to go golfing every weekend?” If you’re honest, the resounding answer to these questions is probably “You know what? It’s not fine.” Recognizing that something is wrong is the first step in setting it right.

# Step outside yourself. Imagine that a friend is the one being abused, overworked, or neglected. What would be the appropriate way for her to respond? Make a list of actions she might take, then ask yourself why it is OK for her, but not you, to react that way.

# Embrace healthy confrontation. Someone ticked you off? Tell the person — in a positive, constructive way. Yes, he or she might be surprised, possibly even (gasp!) angered, by your words. And you know what? He or she will get over it. “Avoidance often does more damage to families and friendships than any expression of anger,” says Potter-Efron.

Anger Style: Passive-Aggressive
What It Looks Like: “Oops. Did I delete all those old baseball games from the TiVo?” You don’t hide or swallow your anger, but you express it in an underhanded way.

Why You Might Do It: You dislike confrontation, but you’re no pushover, either. “People become ‘anger sneaks’ when they believe they can’t stand up to others,” says anger-management specialist Ronald Potter-Efron, Ph.D.. Some people who are cautious by nature turn to this style when they feel pushed outside their comfort zones.

The Damage: You frustrate people. Todd puts it another way: “You’re living your life around making sure other people don’t get what they want, instead of striving for what would make you happy.” The bottom line: No one wins.

How to Turn It Around
# Give yourself permission to get angry. Tell yourself that anger is your psyche’s way of saying you’re tired of being pushed around. A mantra: Assertiveness is fine; aggression (passive or otherwise) is not.

# Advocate for yourself. Instead of “forgetting” to turn in your report at work or showing up late to meetings, gather your courage and tell your boss that your workload has gotten too heavy or that you’re having an issue with a coworker. It won’t be easy, but neither is looking for another job.

# Take control. If you turn to passive aggression when you’re uncomfortable with what’s expected of you, it’s important to do something to take the reins of your situation. Unable to manage the house or the finances solo? Rather than doing a haphazard job of it (subconsciously, of course), tell your partner how important it is that he contributes.

Anger Style: Self-Abuse
What It Looks Like: “It’s my fault he cheated on me. I’m a terrible wife.” You find a way to make everything your fault, every single time.

Why You Might Do It: Somewhere along the line, your self-esteem took a beating and you decided that sometimes it’s just safer and easier to be mad at yourself than at someone else.

The Damage: Constantly turning angry feelings inward can set you up for continued disappointments and even depression.

How to Turn It Around
# Question yourself. Every time you feel the urge to assume blame, start by asking yourself, “Who told me I was responsible for this?” Then ask, “Do I really believe that?” Instead of accepting all responsibility, thank yourself for recognizing the pattern in the first place.

# Work on your self-worth. Make a list of your positive qualities. Developing a genuine sense of worthiness is a critical step in overcoming self-blame. Seek out a professional if you need more help in working around this issue.

Anger Style: Habitual Irritation
What It Looks Like: “I am sick and tired of you borrowing my stapler! Get your own!” This is often less a reaction to events and more a default option. It’s always on unless you consciously turn it off.

Why You Might Do It: If your discontent dwells directly below the surface and is constantly seeping through, there’s probably resentment, regret, or frustration boiling beneath. Maybe your coworker got the promotion and you didn’t. Or your marriage is falling apart and you’re not sure why.

The Damage: If you’re always ready to blow, friends, family, and coworkers may take great pains to avoid upsetting you. Or they may avoid you altogether. The most likely result? No progress — you stay stuck in the same vicious cycle.

How to Turn It Around
# Get to the heart of it. What are you really mad about? If you dig deep, you’ll realize it probably isn’t about a stapler — or dirty socks on the floor, or an empty milk carton in the refrigerator, or any of the other small things that make you so frustrated. Consider professional intervention if you can’t get to the bottom of it on your own.

# Tune in to anger clues. Become aware of the actions and feelings associated with your irritation. When you’re enraged, do you ball your hands into fists? Pace around the room? Grumble, swear, or grit your teeth? As you identify and experience each physiological response, make a mindful effort to do something — anything — else.

# Visualize peace. Try this technique to stop rising anger before it overtakes you. Imagine your breath as a wave, a surge of color, or even a breeze. Watch it come in and out; optimally each breath will be deep and quiet. Hear yourself speaking calmly and softly to yourself and to others. Your anger reflex should diminish another degree each time you do this imaging.

••••••••

2008-10-14T08:56:00.008+08:00

“Anger is only a natural reaction; one of the mind's ways of reacting to things that it perceives to be wrong. While anger can sometimes lead people to do shocking things,it can also be an instinct to show people that something isn't right.”

I know I've been harsh on that last post I made. I know it affected some people and caused them pain. I know my limitations, and as far as I know, I haven't exceeded (if you may call it that) them. I know how others would react to it, and that is what I wanted. I know it would affect them, but through it they'll know that I'm serious and I want to get down to business now.

I've been keeping it all inside. And when I made that post, it's as if all the bitterness and rage that I've been keeping inside found a leak and took advantage. Maybe I haven't thought it much. If you only saw me when I made that post, maybe you'll understand. If the words I used caused you so much pain and humiliation, I'm sorry, but you know what anger can cause. At least now, we're even. Again, Im sorry. I don't get angry often, but when it reaches the edge already, I become a different person.

I'm not being self-righteous or something. As far as I know, I did everything and I haven't failed in any of our agreements (remind me if I have; I just can't remember). You can't blame me for acting like this. Right now, I just want you to bear with me. It's really not easy for me, considering that I'm dealing with everything here. And this is one of those problems that I should deal alone. It's quite ironic how I give you a hard time just to protect you from shame that would then be caused when the right persons (I hope you know who I mean by this) know it.

Nobody else knows how I feel right now, nobody else can understand this. And you know very well that I can't say stuffs directly to you, so forgive me if I do it this way. This may look like very immature, but you know that this is just my only outlet of pouring out my emotions. You understand me, don't you?

Whoa! So much for that! I know, this will just be settled sooner or later. I now believe in what they say that when something bad happens, there is always a good thing that comes next. And so here comes the good thing! Our new buddies are finally here. We're quite awestruck, you know (*wink).

see the difference?

On friendship and duties... (To whom it may concern)

2008-10-13T13:27:00.004+08:00

I am fuming and seething right now! I really want to wreck the necks (sorry for the phrase) of some people!!!

I don't know until how long will I be able to bear the headaches that they have been causing me. It's just so enraging knowing that they are just laughing and talking ill stuffs about me while I am already on the point where I wanna throw stuffs here! The nerve! I don't know how they still get so nervy as to not standing on their words. Is it because they just treat me as somebody whom they can easily fool? Is it because they just consider me as the frail and flimsy person whom they can easily dupe?

I've been through enough of them already. Now, I know that you can never trust the same people forever. Oftentimes, they let you trust them for some selfish, shrewdly calculated, cerebral reason. Now, I learned to put a gap between friendship and duties. There should always be that huge barricade between the two, especially when it concerns stuffs that could affect so many people and could even ruin a reputation.

They just don't know how I sacrificed a lot of things for this. I now feel so frustrated. Just can't help it. Things did not go on as I expected and as I wanted. And worst, the very people that I expected to stand by me throughout seems to turn their backs on me. The people who convinced me to accept this very big responsibility and promised me that they will just be there whenever I need help, now seems to be the people who caused me this much misery.

I've been very understanding, kind and considerate to them ever since. I can see no reason at all for them to fail and betray me like this. I gave them every favor that I could give yet they seem so ungrateful. I don't wanna sound so bitter here, but they made me like this.

I know that some of them no longer have that "fire" for the organization because they now have a much better one. They sometimes make us as a scapegoat or something. Some of them, takes advantage while some plays safe when in front of me.

I am really angry right now. No matter how many "sorry's" they say can never ease what I'm feeling. I just can't say things right in front of their faces and I just hate myself for being like this. I am always concerned about how others will feel. I just wish I could shout insanities in their faces. I just wish I could show them how angry I am without crying in front of them like I do now.

I don't know how long will I be able to take this. I just wish for more courage to do the things that I need to do and continue what I've started. And as for them? Well, they're old enough to know stuffs. And I know they are not that insensitive to not feel what I wanted them to feel. I hope they'll realize that we are still important to them (for profitable reasons, of course). That no matter how "low" I may be to them, I still have the power to decide on things that might be important to them soon.

Coping up...

2008-10-11T11:01:00.003+08:00

It's becoming super busy lately... We are already on the "full-blast mode" (as we call it). This is the time when we have to spend sleepless nights in the office to make the dummy of the yearbook and lay-out the pages.

I haven't gone home yet and it's already lunch time. My days now start at 8 am and ends at 3 am. I just go home to take a bath and change (our house now serves as a bathroom to me...lol)

Whoa! There are so many things to do yet so little time to do all of them. Aside from taking charge in the dummy-making, I also have to supervise and help in the lay-outing. Plus, I got to do the dealings for the yearbook ads, provide meals for the "frogs" (the pipz here), edit the articles, follow-up some other stuffs, and a whole lot more... (h-e-l-p!!!)

My mom now complains that I no longer go home. I haven't seen my ate and my dad for like how many weeks already because when I go home (to take a bath and all) they are out for work... (sigh) How I miss them!

Anyway, we got some new stuffs 'round here in the office (*wink). Our new PC's, camera lens and flash just arrived (yipee!!) I'll blog about it next time, and maybe I can share some pics with them. Whoa! A little leap again. Thanks to our Big Dad... Now, we have new "powerful" buddies...

T..T for now!

Pylon IPR '08

2008-10-07T22:28:00.014+08:00

whew! finally, we were able to find time to relax and unwind. We just had a two-day IPR and it was super fun! Here are some of the pics we took during that activity.

Got to deal with a lot of Sanguines!!!

2008-10-06T17:44:00.007+08:00

We just had our first-ever Pylon IPR last weekend. It was so F-U-N!!! Though it was exhausting,still all our efforts are paid off. One of the activities we had there was knowing our personality profile through taking a test. The test revealed that I am a Perfect Melancholic type. Here is the result of the test:

Your personality is Melancholy Phlegmatic.
Melancholy Strength:9 Weakness:14
57%
Phlegmatic Strength:7 Weakness:4
28%
Sanguine Strength:4 Weakness:1
13%
Choleric Strength:0 Weakness:1
3%

Actually, it's really not a question. All the descriptions there of a melancholic individual pertains to me. Geez..., and I got to deal with a lot of Popular Sanguines (Oh goodness gracious... help!!!)! According to the profile, melancholics are always contrary to sanguines. Here are the characteristics of both personality types:

Melancholic
(The Introvert/The Thinker/The Pessimist)

Strengths:

The Melancholy's Emotions

* Deep and thoughtfully
* Analytical
* Serious and purposeful
* Genius prone
* Talented and creative
* Artistic or musical
* Philosophical and poetic
* appreciative of beauty
* Sensitive to others
* Self-sacrificing
* Conscientious
* Idealistic

The Melancholy At Work

* Schedule oriented
* Perfectionist, high standards
* Detail conscious
* Persistent and thorough
* Orderly and organized
* Neat and tidy
* Economical
* Sees the problems
* Finds creative solutions
* Needs to finish what he starts
* Likes charts, graphs, figures, lists

The Melancholy As a Friend

* Makes friends cautiously
* Content to stay in background
* Avoids causing attention
* Faithful and devoted
* Will listen to complaints
* Can solve other's problems
* Deep concern for other people
* Moved to tears with compassion
* Seeks ideal mate

Weaknesses:

The Melancholy's Emotions

* Remembers the negatives
* Moody and depressed
* Enjoys being hurt
* Has false humility
* Off in another world
* Low self-image
* Has selective hearing
* Self-centered
* Too introspective
* Guilt feelings
* Persecution complex
* Tends to hypochondria

The Melancholy At Work

* Not people oriented
* depressed over imperfections
* Chooses difficult work
* Hesitant to start projects
* Spends to much time planning
* Prefers analysis to work
* Self-deprecating
* Hard to please
* Standards often to high
* Deep need for approval

The Melancholy As a Friend

* Lives through others
* Insecure socially
* Withdrawn and remote
* critical of others
* Holds back affections
* Dislikes those in opposition
* Suspicious of people
* Antagonistic and vengeful
* Unforgiving
* Full of contradictions
* Skeptical of compliments

Sanguine
The Extrovert/The Talker/The Optimist

Strengths

The Sanguine's Emotions

* Appealing personality
* Talkative, Storyteller
* Life of the Party
* Good sense of humor
* Memory for color
* Physically holds on to listener
* Emotional and demonstrative
* Enthusiastic and expressive
* Cheerful and bubbling over
* Curious
* Good on stage
* Wide-eyed and innocent
* Lives in the present
* Changeable disposition
* Sincere at heart
* Always a child

The Sanguine At Work

* Volunteers for Jobs
* thinks up new activities
* Looks great on the Surface
* Creative and colorful
* Has energy and enthusiasm
* Starts in a flashy way
* Inspires others to join
* charms others to work

The Sanguine As a Friend

* Makes friends easily
* Loves People
* Thrives on compliments
* Seems exciting
* envied by others
* Doesn't hold grudges
* apologizes quickly
* Prevents dull moments
* Likes spontaneous activities

Weaknesses:

The Sanguine's Emotions

* Compulsive talker
* Exaggerates and elaborates
* Dwells on trivia
* Can't remember names
* Scares others off
* Too happy for some
* Has restless energy
* Egotistical
* Blusters and complains
* Naive, gets taken in
* Has loud voice and laugh
* Controlled by circumstances
* Gets angry easily
* Seems phony to some
* Never Grows Up

The Sanguine At Work

* Would rather talk
* forgets obligations
* Doesn't follow through
* Confidence fades fast
* Undisciplined
* Priorities out of order
* Decides by feelings
* Easily distracted
* Wastes time talking

The Sanguine As a Friend

* Hates to be alone
* Needs to be center stage
* Wants to be popular
* Looks for credit
* dominates conversations
* Interrupts and doesn't listen
* answers for others
* Fickle and forgetful
* Makes excuses
* Repeats stories

Comparing the two personality types, melancholics are really the total opposite of sanguines. We found out, however, that most of my members are sanguines. So, now, I'm expecting worse things to come... Oh, and by the way, I'm like the third one in this picture. I am the indecisive, confused person...

So this is what it takes to be balance-brained, huh?

2008-09-27T18:16:00.004+08:00

I took this brain test once, and eventually, it revealed that I am balance-brained. This is the complete result of the test:

Balance-brained

That means you are able to draw on the strengths of both the right and left hemispheres of your brain, depending upon a given situation.

When you need to explain a complicated process to someone, or plan a detailed vacation, the left hemisphere of your brain, which is responsible for your ability to solve problems logically, might kick in. But if you were critiquing an art opening or coming up with an original way to file papers, the right side of your brain, which is responsible for noticing subtle details in things, might take over.

While many people have clearly dominant left- or right-brained tendencies, you are able to draw on skills from both hemispheres of your brain. This rare combination makes you a very creative and flexible thinker.

The down side to being balanced-brained is that you may sometimes feel paralyzed by indecision when the two hemispheres of your brain are competing to solve a problem in their own unique ways.

Whew, so that is why I am currently having problems coming up with the right decision, huh? So this is what it takes... (sigh) Maybe, because I am still afraid to step up to the plate when problems need solving. Whew! I wish I was better than how I am now... Then, everything would have been much, much not like this...

A Rotten Dream

2008-09-20T09:00:00.000+08:00

Last night I had this bad dream... It really weird me out. I can no longer remember what it was about, but, what I'm sure of is that, it's just off the wall. It's kind of weird when you can no longer remember anything about your dream, but still it makes you feel so uncomfortable. I woke up gasping in the middle of the night, and there were tears in my eyes. I just continued crying after then. I don't know, but I just felt the need to do it. It's freaking me out, but I cannot remember even a single part of it. Ugh! I so hate those rotten dreams. When I woke up, the dream just vanished but the rotten feeling still remains.

Anyway, guess what was the first song I heard this morning... It's James Carrington's "ACHE"!!! Ugh! Anyway, I'm still having that "last song syndrome" thingy that until now, I'm still singing it. Crap! It keeps on playing in my mind.

James Carrington Lyrics
Ache Lyrics

Oh well, I think it's becoming my favorite song... (*sigh) The singer sounds so sincere, that it seems so uncomfortably heartrending... Whew! Anyway, I think I have to call it a day. My eyes are no longer cooperating, and I gotta get home before it rains again. I just hope tonight won't be nightmarish again. xoxoxoxo

e-pylon got a new face!

2008-09-19T16:08:00.000+08:00

Presenting the Pylon official website's whole new look!!!!

It's not yet totally done, but at least we can already see the improvement. Thanks to our great computer wizards (whee! the red carpet, please!). Good job, guyz. I wonder what those freaks (the ones who are always bugging us to update our site) will say now. Anyway, have a great weekend everyone! XOXO

Bust that stress out!

2008-09-13T15:36:00.000+08:00

It's such a tiring day! We started roaming around the city at 9 in the morning to distribute the letters for our yearbook ads. We have to travel under the scorching heat of the sun, stop at our potential advertiser's company, give them a nice smile, and try to sweet-talk them about advertising in the yearbook. Whoa! An exhausting day, indeed. I just hope even half of those companies we wrote a letter to will give us a positive response.

We decided to accept advertisements for the yearbook this year to, at least, generate income for additional equipment and for trainings and seminars of the staff. Also, we want to provide relevant information to the graduates which could help them in their search for jobs later on.

Anyway, nobody has responded as of yet. I just hope they will soon.

Oh, and BTW..., I saw this article while I was looking for stuffs on the web, and I think this may come in handy for those who are living a very stressful lifestyle. Do you have heart attacks on your legs? Do you live with chest pains the way most of us live with split ends?(*wink) Here are some tips from Marie Claire:

* Clean up quickly: Give away stuff you don't use. According to the Wall Sreet Journal, the average executive pilfers six weeks a year searching for important documents buried in clutter. Combat stress by clearing your desktop of items that you don't use on a daily basis. Store everything else in drawers, on shelves, or in your supply closet. If you don't use something -- those kitschy bulletin board push pins a client sent for Christmas -- give it away to a coworker who might be able to find a use for it.

* Listen to music: Put those headphones on and tune into relaxing music. No, we're not talking elevator notes or sitar serenades. Try these hip anti-stress songs...

Bob Marley & the Wailers "Satisfy My Soul"
Curtis Mayfield "It's Alright"
Five Stairsteps "Ooh Child"
Scritti Politti "Perfect Way"
De La Soul "Me Myself & I"
Outkast "So Fresh, So Clean"
Zero 7 "In the Waiting Line"
Goldfrapp "Happiness"
Van Morrison "Days Like This"

* Retail Therapy: According to doctors at Emory University, shopping can give your brain's pleasure centers a rush of feel-good dopamine that drops off after you leave the store. The same principle can be applied to online shopping -- you're just a few clicks away from your favorite store. Add some items to your shopping bag when you're feeling under pressure then check out later in the day.

* Sort it out: Sort day-to-day papers into action files. Label them clearly: Bills to pay, receipts to enter, papers to photocopy, data for reports, items to discuss with your boss or papers to forward to another department. If the information isn't important enough to have its own label, it either belongs in another folder or in the trash.

* Think pink: Yes, you can think your way out of stress. Close your eyes and focus your thoughts on the color rose. Imagine yourself enveloped in a blanket of rose. Keep your mind on this color and breathe slowly. Don't worry if your mind strays; just keep bringing your thoughts back to the color rose. This will have an amazing, calming effect on you.

Geez, I like the last exercise. So, I guess, I'm gonna try these exercises myself so that I could bust this stress out. Whew!

?????

2008-09-10T13:54:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through my previous posts when I was able to read again my April 30 post. It's about that very big decision that I made in my life. I don't know why, but I was like, struck at this part of the post:

"Seems like I really have so much to miss. Nevertheless, I left for good. I know, I made the right decision. I may have learned a lot, but I know that I can never grow there. It's like I am confined only in the areas they assign to me. And that is not the life that I want. Now, I found the place where I know I will learn more and better things- things that I am really interested at. I know, it is still too early for me to say this, but I know, that I just made the best decision in my life, so far."

Did I really make the right decision when I decided to leave? I know I was very happy before being in the place that I choose. But, things really change. Maybe, I'm partly at fault because I know that I am not able to handle things perfectly. I don't have enough courage to decide on things. I even feel like a fool. It's not that I am always playing safe, I just want my colleagues to be part of whatever decisions will be made. Aside from that, there are a lot of them who have been here longer than I am and I just hate comparisons.

My greatest fear in life is being not good enough. Well, now I know that I am never good enough, that is why I sometimes feel awfully depressed. I can even feel the change in me, and worse, my family has felt it too. So many things keep on bugging me; so many realizations keep haunting me, and I know I'd be totally upset once those things will happen.

Waahh!!! Why is this post so negative? Ugh! Just can't help it!

On certainties and frailties....

2008-08-31T16:28:00.000+08:00

It has been quite a while since my last post. It's because of a helluva lot of stuffs that I need to accomplish. And, well, frankly, I ran out of things to rant. Not because my life became satisfying all of a sudden, but because I got confused of which one to seethe upon.

Anywayz, I am actually in the middle of making some yearbook stuffs when I felt this need to blog. Okey, so what's the title again? Oh yup... These past few weeks, it was like I was in the middle of a hurricane. Nothing, of all those things that I did, seemed right anymore. I was confused and my brain was like not functioning at all. I have done silly stuffs. Silly, did I say? Nope, it's more than that. It was ridiculous, inane, harebrained. Ok, I know they mean the same thing, but it's totally S-T-U-P-I-D!!!!!

I am certain of some things, yet I don't know why I am still frail on stuffs related to them. I mean, come on.... Hello? Will somebody thwack this insanity right off me? Yes, it was insanity. It is indeed. And I don't want that madness to take over and dominate my life again. Shall I give you an idea? Nah..., you wouldn't believe it. I still even try to convince myself that it was just one of those nightmares that used to haunt me when I was a kid. But, ugh! Stupid reality keeps pushing its way!

I knew it! I was certain of it! And now, I am trying to be definite about it. No more turning back, Janj. No more turning to the wrong path. This is one of those things that I really have to face no matter how shameful and appalling it may be. Then I guess, I just have to cope with it. I cannot turn back the time. If only I could, I will never hesitate to do so. I will never be shilly-shally to change my ways or correct my wrongdoings. I've had enough and that should be it. No more additions to it. I have been certain but I've also been frail and stupid to let skewed things be. I am now officially putting a period to it all. And this time, by all means, it's indubitable.

Insensitivity to the limit! (call it stupidity)

2008-08-03T12:57:00.000+08:00

I was alone in the office when my friend gave me a link to this video. I find it funny yet so saddening. Well, the guy seems to be just so stupid, that his stupidity already made him very insensitive to what the girl is trying to make him feel... Duh... But I like the song anyway. The singer seems so sincere. Then I thought, over-sincerity can also lead to insensitivity... Insensitivity to the point of not seeing (or trying not to see) the flaws in a relationship. Well, this song is an exaggeration, but it still has a point.

This insanity ends here!

2008-08-01T07:11:00.000+08:00

Dear Person Concerned,

I want to begin my days anew, with the thought of becoming the person I want myself to be. I want to experience something different in my life-- something that I think is right and could make everyone around me happy. I want to learn form the real world-- from the words I read, the sounds I hear, the things I see, and the touches I feel. I want to live again... this time, without the thoughts of you.

It has been quite while since I lived my life freely-- free from worries and fears, free from doubts and insecurities, free from you. Now, things already fell to their right places. All those questions I've been holding for so long are finally answered. Now I know where I really belong.

Life is a journey filled with many choices, and the challenges and choices that I have now, helped me find the dreams that I know are meant true for me. I know what my heart yearns, but I also know that it's better for me to follow what my mind dictates. Forgetting about how I feel may be such a great task, but I know anything can be accomplished if I just set my mind to it.

It was such a great experience. I've learned so much from it. Now, I'm stronger and I know I can handle things better. I just want to thank you for sharing with my vulnerabilities and making me feel loved, even for a short time. Thank you for all the realizations. It's so funny how both of us realized different things at the same time.

Now, it's over. I called it stupidity before, but I realized later on that it's a blessing from God. May you try to search for a new perspective, lean towards understanding, and find happiness that lasts. You deserve the best in life. You just have to be willing to work for it, no matter how long it takes.

And as for me, I'll go on with my life. We both know that I'm stronger than you are, so you don't have to worry. I'll be right here, in case you need somebody to talk to. Let's just continue with our dreams. The world is such a wonderful place, and we are so lucky to be part of it.

She did it!

2008-07-25T10:44:00.000+08:00

After more than a month of the agonizing wait (wink*), the results finally got out. And, as expected (kidding), Ate passed the Philippine Nursing Board Exams (Yippeee!!!) Congratulations, Sis...! You are now an RN... Continue to inspire and influence lives. Hope to see you soon. Luv yah!

A Detour

2008-07-12T17:33:00.000+08:00

I am supposed to make my article for the yearbook, but it seems that I am disturbed with something that I made a poem instead (haha) I just can't write when something is bothering me... ugh! The poem really shows what that something is.

I can't think of a good title yet, but I'll share it to you anyway.

Don't mind me when I rant,
It's just myself that I am dissatisfied of.

Don't console me when I cry,
That will just make me hate myself more.

Don't be happy for me when I laugh,
What you see is not an expression of how I truly feel.

Don't be deceived when I act,
I do things without thinking it over first.

Don't answer me with lies when I ask,
I've had enough that it seems normal.

Don't look at me when I look at you,
I'm afraid you'll see what my eyes show.

Don't help me out when I'm confused,
That enigma may be the one you caused.

Don't pull me up when I'm down,
I just know where I really belong.

Don't worry about me when I'm hurt,
I always am... I am already numb.

Ouch! That hurts... (sigh) Can't help it to be "emo" at times. Whoa! I really have to make my article now. Oh geessshhh.... ! Somebody H-E-L-P!!!

Mr. Mabinay is the new Hari ng Negros!

2008-07-06T14:33:00.000+08:00

I was not a fan, actually, of this "male pageant", until I found out just recently that the new Hari ng Negros is from my very own hometown, Mabinay. I was not able to watch the pageant but upon looking at the pictures taken during that "big night", I can say that the spectators that night did not regret that they were there. From the stunning judges to the marvelous production, awesome set to the hot and gorgeous contestants, what else could they ask for? Here are some of the pictures I got from the Hari Ng Negros site:

Whew! How's that? Want more pics? Just click HERE.

Free animated graphic comments, anyone?

2008-06-28T07:04:00.000+08:00

Are you looking for the best site where you can find great animated graphic comments? Actually, I had been... and guess what, I finally found what I've been looking for! A friend recommended to me Flexy8. And it surely is the best shot.

Flexy8.com is a resource and collection of comments and graphics you could ever need for use on Friendster, Myspace, Facebook, Xanga, Hi5, Piczo, Multiply, Tagged, Typepad, iGoogle, Orkut, LiveJournal, Netvibes and other social network sites, blogs or any other place you want to add a little comment or graphic.

So, if you guys need free graphic comments, visit Flexy8 now!

I got accepted in PPP!

2008-06-24T08:52:00.000+08:00

Whew... After so many times of applying and re-applying, my blog finally got accepted in PayPerPost. It is soooo awesome, really! Now, not only will I be able to write about the things that I love, I will also be earning out of it!

I started blogging about a year ago, and I can still remember those petty posts that I write before... (giggles..) Blogging has become an outlet for my crazy ideas and weird imaginations. It has also become my diary when I cannot have somebody to listen to my babbles and balderdashes. I blog to express my sentiments, to rant about things, and to have something where I can pour out my madness to. It worked, really.

Blogging for money has occurred to me when a friend introduced to me PayPerPost. Then I learned that blogging is never a waste of time. You get paid to blog about interesting stuffs through Pay Per Post. PPP provides bloggers with so many great opportunities, and, yup, they pay you for it. Amazing, isn't it?

Now that blogging has already become my hobby, earning will be very easy then. So, if you haven't signed up for PPP yet... Hey, what else are you waiting for? Money is just a few clicks away!

Office face-lifting

2008-06-23T11:28:00.000+08:00

Jeesshh... That was like years! I was out the blogosphere for almost a month, but it was like forever! Oh well, now I'm back. Did anybody miss me? I, sure as heavens, miss everybody!

Actually, I've been also busy lately. Busy, I say? A whole lot, really. I even have not had enough sleep. I guess, I just really have to bear with it by now, because I'm expecting worse things to come.

Anywayz, we just gave our office a whole new skin! Yup, and that is, a really whole new look. I was really pleased with the result of our efforts, and I'm very thankful that I'm surrounded with the most creative and talented people in the whole wide world (wheew.. haha). Here are some pics taken during the face-lifting of the office.

It was chaos at first...

then, it started...

Argey did his thing...

then it became like this...

and this...

the result? taaddaaa...!

See? The once plain, cream-colored office, now evolved to a colorful, ingeniously-painted one. Some students have already seen our new office, and everytime they come in, I can always see the amazement in their faces. Our adviser is also very pleased. She even said that the university president should really see it. Weeew... so I guess, we've set another trend... haha...

Show the world your looks, and be discovered!

2008-06-08T12:46:00.000+08:00

Ever heard of an online beauty contest? Look of the Year is an online beauty contest for everybody who wants to join. If you think you've got the looks but don't have the guts to face a big crowd, here is your chance to get discovered and show your real beauty to the world. The winner will get 10,000 USD. But even if you will not win, it's still worth giving a try. Who knows, you might be discovered by international model agencies.

Look of the Year is looking for young, beautiful people who fall on the following categories:
Girls 14-19; Women 19+ ; Boys 14-19; Men 19+

Joining is so easy! Just register with at least one picture. Once it's approved, you just spread the URL of your Look of the Year picture/ profile around the internet and get votes to win. So, if you have the looks, show it to the world be discovered!

Another Brown's Brain-Teasers!

2008-06-05T08:27:00.000+08:00

Weeeh...!!! I'm already halfway through another Dan Brown's novel. And again, it's awesome! The Da Vinci Code caused so many eyebrows to raise during its release. The Catholic Church reacted on the novel because they are afraid that the people's faith will be affected. The Hollywood even made a movie based on the novel, and the church tried to ban it. I remember my aunt warning me not to see the movie or even get hold of the novel. But that eventually just stirred up my curiosity. I've been wanting to read the intriguing novel, until my friend lent me a copy of it.

If Angels and Demons talks about Robert Langdon's adventures in breaking the mystery behind the enigmatic ambigrams, The Da Vinci Code tells about how Langdon solved the puzzling codes through anagrams.

An anagram (Greek anagramma 'letters written anew', passive participle of ana- 'again' + gramma 'letter') is a type of word play, the result of rearranging the letters of a word or phrase to produce a new word or phrase, using all the original letters exactly once. In the novel a clue was hidden using the following words:

O Draconian Devil!
Oh, lame saint!

Which later on, the readers will find out, actually means:

Leonardo Da Vinci
The Mona Lisa

Amazing! Isn't it? Some other examples are the words dormitory=dirty room; astronomer=moon starer; teachers=cheaters.. (laughs)

Another interesting part of the novel is the unlocking of the codes behind Leonardo Da Vinci's famous masterpieces, like The Mona Lisa and Madonna of the Rocks. Da Vinci is indeed a brilliant person, and a homosexual at that. Yup, Da Vinci is actually a homosexual. Some of his famous works relate to the concept of the sacred feminine, including the Last Supper.

Anyways, I am yet about to discover so many other interesting things. I'm quite excited to finish this novel.

Is this a sign?

2008-06-02T15:43:00.000+08:00

The Philippines had always been a rich agricultural country, that realizing its people are now facing a great dilemma over rice shortage just sounds really absurd. How can an agricultural
country be facing such shortage?

Never did I thought that this time will come when I will have to witness the chaotic crowds of people waiting for their rice rations. The government is now providing rice subsidy to the people- offering them NFA rice at lower cost. The once 25 to 30 pesos-per-kilo-worth of commercial rice, now mounts to 45 to 51 pesos per kilo. Imagine the increase? Shocking, indeed!

The question now is, when will this dilemma end? Will a point come when people will do all sorts of things just to put something on their stomach? How long are Filipinos going to bear with the mayhem over a little ration of rice? Is this the end?

Religious critics found this economic crisis a sign. Yup, one of the signs of God's return- the last judgment. My aunt even told me that she fears that the time will come when people will have to be stamped with the devil's sign on their foreheads just to be able to have food for their family. I just laughed upon hearing this. It sounded like a crazy idea, but I found out that this is written in the Book of Revelations- the chapter in the Bible where all the predictions about the world are written.

Is this truly an indicator of the "end" of everything? Has God gotten mad already, that he decided to bring to an end everything in this world of sinners?

And along with this realization came my conceit. I then found myself wondering about my dreams. Will everything just end in an instant? Will I not be able to experience the life that I've been wishing to live? That's just it? (*sigh)

I just wish this rice famine will soon end. This isn't it, I know.... I pray...

Good luck, Sis!

2008-05-31T11:55:00.000+08:00

One day to go and Ate will already be hurdling the make-or-break Nurses' Licensure Examination. For the past months, I've seen all those stressful preparations she went through. From their whole-day reviews to their nerve-racking pre-Board examinations. Luckily, she topped these exams. Hence, I am confident enough that she will do the same on the real thing.

I've always wanted to be a nurse. But, eventually, I got stucked in a really boring and dull course. I never really had a choice. It was maybe out of desperation. Well, yup. I really think I was really desperate. My mother once asked me why I decided to take up such course. But instead of answering her question, I just gave her a fierce glare. Then, she understood. I never hated her, nor my father, nor anybody for this, because there is really no one to blame. I guess, I just have to accept things as they are. What I do is, I just try to make the best out of the things that I can manage to do. (Uh-oh... Here I go again..) Well, Ate will just have to do what I've been craving to do and fill in the missing piece in my now-shattered ambition.

Anywayz, to Ate, I wish you all the very best of luck! Break a leg! I know you can do it. I'm praying for you.

Make money from your blogs!

2008-05-29T08:18:00.000+08:00

Who says blogging is all about your own petty emotions and ideas? Who says it's just a waste of time and effort? Well, what if I tell you that you can now make money while enjoying your blog's atmosphere? Yes, you can now earn extra money through the opportunities offered by Bloggerwave .

Bloggerwave is a fast-developing company that aims to be Europe's biggest advertising media on blogs. By simply signing up and registering your blog, you can write about interesting stuffs and easily make money. It's that easy! So, what are you waiting for? Make money out of your blog!

Angels and Demons

2008-05-28T08:12:00.000+08:00

I just finished Angels and Demons, and it's another superb read. Well, what did Dan brown wrote that you can not consider superb? Brown's fictions are always great and mind-twisting that putting down the novel is always the hardest part of the ritual. Although critics wrote stuffs about the flaws in the novel, still it has become a bestseller. Here is a review I found at Shelfari.

It takes guts to write a novel that combines an ancient secret brotherhood, the Swiss Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire, a papal conclave, mysterious ambigrams, a plot against the Vatican, a mad scientist in a wheelchair, particles of antimatter, jets that can travel 15,000 miles per hour, crafty assassins, a beautiful Italian physicist, and a Harvard professor of religious iconology. It takes talent to make that novel anything but ridiculous. Kudos to Dan Brown (Digital Fortress) for achieving the nearly impossible. Angels & Demons is a no-holds-barred, pull-out-all-the-stops, breathless tangle of a thriller--think Katherine Neville's The Eight (but cleverer) or Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum (but more accessible).

Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is shocked to find proof that the legendary secret society, the Illuminati--dedicated since the time of Galileo to promoting the interests of science and condemning the blind faith of Catholicism--is alive, well, and murderously active. Brilliant physicist Leonardo Vetra has been murdered, his eyes plucked out, and the society's ancient symbol branded upon his chest. His final discovery, antimatter, the most powerful and dangerous energy source known to man, has disappeared--only to be hidden somewhere beneath Vatican City on the eve of the election of a new pope. Langdon and Vittoria, Vetra's daughter and colleague, embark on a frantic hunt through the streets, churches, and catacombs of Rome, following a 400-year-old trail to the lair of the Illuminati, to prevent the incineration of civilization.

Brown seems as much juggler as author--there are lots and lots of balls in the air in this novel, yet Brown manages to hurl the reader headlong into an almost surreal suspension of disbelief. While the reader might wish for a little more sardonic humor from Langdon, and a little less bombastic philosophizing on the eternal conflict between religion and science, these are less fatal flaws than niggling annoyances--readers should have no trouble skimming past them and immersing themselves in a heck of a good read. "Brain candy" it may be, but my! It's tasty. --Kelly Flynn

What makes the novel more interesting are the ambigrams of the Illuminati brotherhood. I always wonder how the artists make such perfect graphical figure, that even if you read the word upside-down, it would still make sense. Here are a few examples:

Geez, interesting, isn't it?

Faith Check...

2008-05-27T08:25:00.000+08:00

Here is an excerpt from Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, that i want to share with you.

***********************************************************************************

"Father," Chartrand said, "may I ask you a strange question?"

The camerlengo smiled. "Only if I may give you a strange answer."

Chartrand laughed. "I have asked every priest I know, and still don't understand."

"What troubles you?"

Charland took a deep breath. "I don't understand this omnipotent-benevolent thing."

The camerlengo smiled. "You've been reading scripture."

"I try."

"You are confused because the Bible describes God as an omnipotent and benevolent deity."

"Exactly."

"Omnipotent-benevolent simply means God is all-powerful and well-meaning."

"I understand the concept. It's just... there seems to be a contradiction."

"Yes. The contradiction is pain. Man's starvation, war, sickness..."

"Exactly! Terrible things happen in this world. Human tragedy seems like proof that God could not possibly be both all-powerful and well-meaning. If He loves us and has the power to change our situation, He would prevent our pain, wouldn't He?"

The camerlengo frowned. "Would He?"

Chartrand felt uneasy. Had he overstepped his bounds? Was this one of those religious questions you just didn't ask? "Well... if God loves us, and He can protect us, He would have to. It seems He is either omnipotent and uncaring, or benevolent and powerless to help."

"Do you have children, Lieutenant?"

Chartrand flushed. "No, Signore."

"Imagine you had an eight-year-old son.... would you love him?"

"Of course."

"Would you do everything in your power to prevent pain in his life?''

"Of course."

"Would you let him skateboard?'

Yeah, I guess," Chartrand said. "Sure, I'd let him skateboard, but I'd tell him to be careful."

"So as this child's father, you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?"

"I wouldn't run behind him and mollycoddle him if that's what you mean."

"But what if he fell and skinned his knee?"

"He would learn to be more careful."

The camerlengo smiled. "So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child's pain, you would choose to show your love by letting him learn his own lessons?"

"Of course. Pain is part of growing up. It's how we learn."

The camerlengo nodded. "Exactly."

"Innovation and Creativity that Matter..."

2008-05-22T08:07:00.000+08:00

"Don't be just job-seekers, be job-creators!" This is Sir Jo's most famous line... Sir Jo, a licensed engineer, proficient teacher, and a certified entrepreneur, always encourages us through this dogma. And, indeed, he succeeded on that.

Four Pylonites have already ventured into their own enterprise, using their skills and ingenuity in photography and multimedia as their main capital. Endowed with incomparable adeptness in scores of computer applications and creativity in capturing precious moments and wonderful things, these four brilliant Pylonites created ARCKE Multimedia Solu tions and Services.

ARCKE is actually the acronym of the names of the founders. Here they are:

Opppzzz, nope! They are not into escort service... (laughs) They are just showing how petty and crazy they are... (haha) Nevertheless, you are actually looking at the most talented and skilled artist-entrepreneurs (ehem..)

ARCKE Multimedia Solutions and Services offers tons of services- from lay-outing to webpage designing, photography to video coverage, and still a lot more.... Indeed, innovation and creativity that matter....

Anywayz, the reason I mentioned ARCKE, is that I want to post our pictures taken at their studio..(haha)

Awesome Entrecard Features

2008-05-20T11:31:00.000+08:00

It has been quite a while! Geez, I'm sure, you guyz, have missed me... (*wink*) I've been doing charity jobs...(kidding) Actually, my friends are venturing into their own enterprise, and they just opened last Sunday. We helped out and even spent overnights there. We also helped in preparing the food for the grand opening of ARCKE Multimedia Solutions and Services.

Anyway, when I checked on my e-mail, I was surprised to receive this mail from the Entrecard Team. Now, you can add multiple blogs to your account. It's really cool! Imagine, you will be able to choose whether to link your account with another EXISTING account, or to register a NEW BLOG with Entrecard, and automatically link it to your account. This is indeed an awesome feature of Entrecard. Now, I will no longer have any hassles logging into my other blog to easily drop cards to other sites.

Entrecard also has a new e-book to help you on the basics of Entrecard and guide you along the way. Download the e-book on this link:

http://entrecard.com/static/entrecard_official_ebook.pdf

I'll blog about ARCKE and our escapade later. I'm still waiting for the pics...

Deception Point

2008-05-16T16:31:00.000+08:00

I've finished reading another Dan brown novel... And as always, it's another superb read....

Right now, I'm reading Angels and Demons, the Da Vinci code prequel...

Deception Point is another page-turning Dan Brown thriller. It is about the clashes of power between the US president and a senator who wants to own the presidential seat, and the infringement of NASA and NSA to dirty-dig the senator.

Here is a book review from Shelfari:

The time is now and President Zachary Herney is facing a very tough reelection. His opponent, Senator Sedgwick Sexton, is a powerful man with powerful friends and a mission: to reduce NASA's spending and move space exploration into the private sector. He has numerous supporters, including many beyond the businesses who will profit from this because of the embarrassment of 1996, when the Clinton administration was informed by NASA that proof existed of life on other planets. That information turned out to be premature, if not incorrect. (This story is true; I repeat, Dan Brown's research is very, very good.) The embattled president is assured that a rare object buried deep in the Arctic ice will prove to have far-reaching implications on America's space program. The find, however, needs to be verified.

Enter Rachel Sexton, a gister for the National Reconnaissance Office. Gisters reduce complex reports into single-page briefs, and in this case the president needs that confirmation before he broadcasts to the nation, probably ensuring his reelection. It's tricky because Rachel is the daughter of his opponent. Rachel is thrilled to be on the team traveling to the Arctic circle. She is a realist about her father's politics and has little respect for his stand on NASA, but Senator Sexton cannot help but have a problem with her involvement.

Adventure, romance, murder, skullduggery, and nail-biting tension ensue. By the end of Deception Point, the reader will be much better informed about how our space program works and how our politicians react to new information. Bring on the next Dan Brown thriller! --Otto Penzler

Thank you.. Farewell...

2008-05-15T09:54:00.000+08:00

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
-- Dr. Seuss

For three years of working at Holy Child, I already have envisioned myself graduating and still being a part of my HCH family. As my previous posts could have divulged, I hated being there- hated being taken advantage of by the nuns, and loathed being disparaged (in any way) by some people. I often thought of making a "hate post" right after I step out of the vicinity of the hospital. I wanted to let go of this repugnance and abhorrence I've been keeping all these years. I wanted to curse everyone who have made my stay there miserable. I have outlined all the words in my mind, until something made me change my mind.

I tried to look at the bright side and thought of the advantages I gained. I then realized that my stay there had been fruitful after all. I wouldn't have learned so many things if it were not because of the people who have been my mentors there. I wouldn't have learned to read the undecipherable handwritings of doctors, the ICD codes of diseases, the paging stuffs at the info, the diets appropriate for certain illnesses, the processing of Philhealth and HMO claims, BP taking, and still a lot more. Furthermore, if it were not because of my being at HCH, I wouldn't have met the people who have influenced quite a great part of my life.

When I bid goodbye to everyone, I suddenly felt a lump on my throat, which is the last thing that I expected. Then I realized that I will surely miss so many things now that I am no longer a part of the family. I know I had my fair share of miseries while being with them, but there are also a lot of things that I am very thankful of them. The knowledge and learnings that I have acquired are incomparable. Surely, girls my age are not given the same chance that I got.

Now, whenever I think of all those things, I can't help but smile and be grateful because even if things did not go on as I expected, there are still tons more that I could be thankful about.

To my HCH family, thank you for being a great part of my life. 'Keep serving the humanity', as your mission goes. =)

Who could this be?

2008-05-13T11:58:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning feeling exhilarated. Well, why not? I had this crazy dream about someone I barely know, and who happens to be my instant crush when I woke up. Sounds ridiculous, right? But yeah, right after that dream, I instantly fell in-love with the person (aw?). I don't have the slightest idea why he appeared on my dream, when I did not even think about him before I went to sleep last night. Hmmn..., was that a product of my subconscious? (haha) Anyhow, the dream was fantastic, er... far-fetched, I guess.

Anyway, this guy I am talking about is my sister's classmate (I'm not quite sure...) They are friends, that is. I met him during my sister's graduation. During that time, I played Ate's official photographer, and I took a lot of pictures of her with her crazy friends (he's one of those). That was just it. We became friends after then. You know, the smile-and-nod-kind of friends...lol. We never even got a chance to talk, that is why having him in my dream is something that I never did take at face value (haha).

For my curious readers, here's a picture of him... See, I'm not even hesitant to let you have a glimpse of my mysterious dream guy.

Wahahaha! See, how generous I am...? Did that help feed your curiosity? Or stir it again? C'mon Porteurs ..., wanna guess...?

For the World's Greatest Mom...

2008-05-10T14:38:00.000+08:00

Dear Ma,

How could I ever thank you for everything that you did for me? How could I ever repay you for all the goodness and support that you've shown me?

You carried me in your womb for nine months and delivered me healthy. You fed, clothe, and sheltered me. You gave me the best things that you could manage to offer. And you've been very supportive to me all throughout.

When I was very nervous during my knee-jerking first day in school, you were there to give me your reassuring hug. You helped me with my perplexing assignments and encouraged me to study harder. You've been with me through my best and my worst. You've always been a part of my endeavors- you always support me during my trying times and celebrate with me during my triumphs. We cried together, laugh together, and faced together our adversities.

For my confidante, my best friend, my mother, let me express to you my warmest, sincerest THANK YOU for everything. I love you more than you ever think I do. Happy Mother's Day, Ma...!

Janjie

Absurd Perfidy

2008-05-06T17:27:00.000+08:00

It was early morning on a Sunday when he called me- says he wanted to talk about something. He is always like that. He would just call me when he has problems with his girlfriend or another feud with his dad. He would text me when he needs someone to listen to his rants and rambles towards his family and girlfriend. He would fetch me in the house during the wee hours of the day and talk about his trifling issues. For ten years, I've served as his confidante, his listener, his adviser, his best friend.

We've spent our lives together. He has been a part of my family, and I to his. It was a short encounter in grade school that started our friendship. From then on, we became inseparable. We became very close that people around us began teasing and ragging us, but we were not bothered. We continued to become friends, and we swore not to keep any secrets from each other. We were both happy with each other's company, until I realized that I can no longer put up with our promise. He has been loyal to our friendship, but lately, I became doubtful of my own fidelity. Despite all these, I remained to be his best friend.

When we went to college, we realized that the world we used to live in will not be the world that we will be living in forever. We mingled with different people and met different friends, until it has become apparent that it is not always "us" forever. Still, we continued our friendship, though it is no longer the kind we used to have. We rarely see each other until I found out that he is already going out with somebody. I tried to hide my disappointment towards him and continued concentrating on my studies. I busied myself with a lot of things, and he continued with his life with other people. This went on for months, until the day he called me.

I am already expecting his rants and angry outbursts. Well what else would I be expecting? He only calls me to have someone to listen to his grumbles. But it's fine with me. I just consider it a "pay-off" for my infidelity. For I have become disloyal to our friendship and unfaithful to the promise we made. After all these years, I am keeping a secret that could either ruin or mend our friendship-I am in-love with my best friend.

Holy Cheaters

2008-05-02T15:16:00.000+08:00

Isn't cheating a sin? Cheating on people is also like cheating on God. Isn't it quite a shame if God's servants and prime followers are cheaters themselves? Isn't it disgraceful and appalling to fiddle on people while a crucifix hangs on your neck? And what could be worse than taking advantage of people while wearing a ring that signifies your lifetime union with God? I know I'm being harsh. But, I am just perturbed by this.

When I was still a child I used to regard nuns very highly, but this deference changed later on. I have been working for this congregation of nuns, uhm, not really for them, but for the establishment managed by them. At the start, they seem good and concerned, but later on their real colors eventually just prevailed. They have not justified their vocation, well... as far as I.., and the other employees are concerned.

As what I know, nuns must show selflessness in their acts. That is what God taught us, and they should have been good role models and show this virtue to the whole humanity. Apparently, they have not, and they even prove the contrary. What they have demonstrated to us is how good businesswomen they are. You know, just concerned of the profits, and all that. They even nitpick on other people and..., believe it or not, backbite and say ill things on other people's back. Oh well, it seems like it has become their way of life. They even say silly things among themselves.

Generosity is a virtue one must possess- sharing what you have and giving out to the poor. I just don't know if they are even a bit concerned about this. It has become a tradition to the establishment to celebrate Christmas and New Year through a mass at their small chapel. After the mass, people got used to feasting over the little preparation these nuns prepared. But it seems that they grew tired of sharing their abundant blessings to their own employees when one Christmas, they decided to not prepare anything. The reason? They are afraid at the thought that it would become a custom and people will look forward to it, and that would just mean, they will have to spend some of their "hard-earned" money to feed these people during Christmas eves. That's just horrendous, isn't it?

There was a time when one of their employees requested for a pack of carbon papers because they no longer have supply for their office. And this nun (who is known for talking on walls instead of the person concerned), gave the employee a stern look, gave her a box of carbon papers, and after this employee left, she kept on talking to the walls again, murmuring to herself nonsense things about the employee and the carbon paper. (Whew, I didn't know they can also be this petty).

Never did I imagine that nuns also cheat on other people. That is, if you call not giving employees the right salary and benefits that they deserve a form of cheating. Anyway, these are just some instances. There are still a lot that I prefer not to mention here. I am appalled just by the thought of it, you know. I will never cry over spilled milk- meaning, what I experienced is never that trivial. I can still vividly remember some of their atrocious acts, but I'd rather not write it here. I will spare you some of the details, for now. I'll write about it when I'm ready.

Looking Back

2008-04-30T16:47:00.000+08:00

I haven't updated this site lately.... Seems that I'm running out of topics to write about. Anywayz, I already resigned from my job, but unfortunately, I still can't leave immediately because I still have a lot of endorsements and instructions to make to my "successor" (sigh). Finally, I was able to gather enough courage to leave. I've been thinking about it for months, but I had a hard time deciding whether to pursue my resignation or not. But after some careful deliberations, I finally decided to leave.

I started at Holy Child right after I graduated from High School, it was April 16th of 2005. My first assignment was at the Out-patient Department (OPD). I can still remember how the administrator introduced me to the department head: "Lorie, this is Janisha. She will be assisting you here. She is bright. I'm sure you will not have any problems with her." (Ehemm...) I then felt my cheeks burning.... (gee, that's embarrassing)

At the OPD, I assisted the staff in taking the patients records and vital signs. I also help in processing insurance claims and got the opportunity to know a few people in the insurance industry. What got me usually pissed about that insurance thingy is that everything should have their approval first - from urinalysis to ultrasound, consultations to admissions, suturing to operations; and what makes it worse is that these approvals still take a lot of "chorvas" (chorva sounds like a gay lingo, but it's actually a Greek word meaning "a replacement for an unknown word"). I've learned so many things at the OPD. I came to know the ins and outs of hospital stuffs, and the protocols of insurances and HMO's. I also was able to meet different kinds of people, and learned how to deal with each of them. It really takes patience and fast thinking to be at the OPD. There were times when I had to really do some "chorvas" just for a certain procedure to be approved or convince a probing patient that she/he can no longer be accommodated.

After a year at the OPD, I got transferred to, this time, not only one department, but two. Imagine that? I got assigned to the Medicare and the Information sections. During Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, I report to the Medicare Section; and during the rest of the week, at the Information.

At the Medicare, I've learned to read the perplexing, unfathomable handwritings of doctors. I often got headaches reading patient's diagnosis and history. There, I help in the processing of Philhealth claims and encode patient's diagnosis. I also learned that every disease has a corresponding code (like, J18.9 for Pneumonia, N39.0 for Urinary Tract Infection). Coding diseases is the hardest work I've ever had. There are diseases that cannot be easily found in the book. There are also some that still requires me to read the patient's history, and that means going through the doctor's undecipherable scribblings (whoa, exhausting!).

The Information Section is the part of the hospital where all the gossips and controversies cannot go across. It seems that all the events inside (sometimes, even outside) the hospital are known at the Info. What makes my assignment here exciting is that I answer telephone calls and got to hear my voice boom around the hospital- you know, the paging stuffs.

Seems like I really have so much to miss. Nevertheless, I left for good. I know, I made the right decision. I may have learned a lot, but I know that I can never grow there. It's like I am confined only in the areas they assign to me. And that is not the life that I want. Now, I found the place where I know I will learn more and better things- things that I am really interested at. I know, it is still too early for me to say this, but I know, that I just made the best decision in my life, so far.

Digital Fortress

2008-04-26T17:14:00.000+08:00

This is the first Dan Brown novel I've read, and I find it totally compelling, riveting, page turning, and all that. I have heard about his other novels, but unfortunately, I still haven't read them. I've been craving to get hold of that Angels and Demons and Da Vinci Code novels he also has written, but still I wasn't able to find them (sigh).

Digital Fortress really got me super excited. The events are unpredictable and full of twists. After reading the novel, I became interested in cryptography, and wondered whether there are schools in the Philippines offering courses for cryptographers wanna-be. Imagine, just by breaking computer codes, you will be able to save the country from terrorists and hackers who want to get into and destroy the system. But, what if there is an unbreakable code which got into the system? What will then happen to the crypto and to the code breaking computer that has helped solve NSA's problems? It would definitely result to chaos and jeopardy of national security.

I really admire the brilliance of the characters, especially Susan Fletcher and David Becker. The story alternates between Becker's chase for the code in Spain and Fletcher's efforts to figure out the secret to the unbreakable code. Other plotlines come in, such as a Japanese programmer Ensai Tankado who may have discovered the unbreakable code and his hatred for NSA, the disgruntled NSA employee Brad Hale who may have secrets of his own, the all-powerful NSA director, and an assassin hired by an unknown person who is on Becker's trail the entire novel.

Dealing with the complexities of their lives and careers have become ordinary to the National Security people, that they tend to overlook the small yet very important details. The plot is very suspenseful, that it could bring you to the edge of your seats, but in the end, you will find out that the answer to the question could be guessed even by a kindergarten. Although slow at the beginning Digital Fortress by Dan Brown quickly speeds up and is hard to put down. This book is very interesting and exciting and keeps you guessing about the unbreakable code and how it will be stopped. Anyone who enjoys mysteries and exciting books with many plot twists will agree that this book is amazing.

For more reviews and details about this book, you can visit Shelfari.

My Greatest Fear

2008-04-17T13:06:00.000+08:00

"Janisha, you are most afraid of not being good enough."

You're more concerned about how others perceive you than many people around you. You sometimes worry more than you should about doing things perfectly or feel afraid that others will mock you in some way.

Thus, says my Tickle Test. And yep..., that is exactly what I am most afraid of. I am afraid that what I am doing is not good enough for others. Whenever I do things I would often wonder what other people would think about it. I am always concerned about the effect of these things to others, and what their reactions would be. I super hate criticisms, though I am a very keen critic myself. I hate it when people do not appreciate my efforts and say ill things about me. I think, this is one thing that prevents me from taking chances, even though I know that what I'm thinking would likely to succeed. I am more concerned about how others perceive me or the things that I do. I am not exactly trying to always make the best impressions. But, as much as possible I want the people's notion of me to be good enough.

I always want my works to be almost perfect, and I want things to go as smoothly and perfectly as I want it to be. I don't want things to be flawed and inadequate. If things turn out like this, I would feel bad about myself and feel guilty about it. I believe that if things are not done almost perfectly, it is done by a loser. Yup..., I really think that way. I even often consider myself a loser at that. There can really be times when I feel I am worthless, but I know that this is just a product of worrying too much and thinking that I am not doing the right thing. Whoa! Anyhow, I am really trying to work this out. This is still me, myself, and I, nonetheless. (",)

Stressed Out!!!

2008-04-15T20:32:00.000+08:00

The deadline for my monthly report is almost up and I only have a few more days to finish it! I have so many things to learn for my new position in our yearbook staff, yet so little time to learn it! I need to resign from my current job, but I still have to go through a lot of things before leaving! Waaaahhh!!!! I'm so stressed out already! I feel like being torn between so many things. I haven't had enough sleep lately, and I'm still expecting things to get worse as the next semester is coming.

Can anybody help me out on this? This is hopeless.... (sigh) Here i go again... Anyway, I'm preparing myself for worse things than these. I know later on, I'll be able to handle my becoming stressful lifestyle... (sigh)

Friendship Chain

2008-04-14T20:49:00.000+08:00

~~Begin Copy~~

This is the easy way and the fastest way to :
1. Make your Authority Technorati explode.
2. Increase your Google Page Rank.
3. Get more traffic to your blog.
4. Makes more new friends.

Rules :
1. Start copy from “Begin Copy” until “End Copy” to your blog
(for bloggers paste on the “compose” not the “edit html” part in posting blogs so it will be linked automatically).
2. Put your own blog name and link.
3. Tag your friends as much as you can, the more the better!

1. Picturing of Life
2. Juliana’s Site
3.Hazel-My Life, My Hope, My Future.
4.Jeanne-The Callalily Space
5.Starz in De Sky
6. My Charmed Life
7.Denz Techtronics
8.Denz Recreational
9.Life’s Simple Pleasures
10. My Blog
11. Because Life is Fun
12. In This Game of Life
13.Scribbles of my Life
14.Changing Lanes
15. anna
16. joytoy
17.Surviving deployment
18. The Deviant
19. All I want is Everything
20. Shadows of love, fate and destiny
21.Tasteful Voyage
22.A mom’s note
23. Bittersweet Collide
24.Jackie Simplypinay
25.Jackie’s Everydy Life
26.Parisukat
27.Photographs and Memoirs
28.Undecided21
29.In-Depth Review
30.ExtremeComments
31. Traveler's Guide 101
32. Comments101
33. Spin101:My Stories

YOU’RE NEXT~~ END COPY~~

I'm tagging Mommy Reese, Kate Ashley, Nyl, Uzziel, Peachy, Ponchong, Mommy Liza, Lae... Hope to see you on this board...

Goodbye to Singlehood

2008-04-13T13:36:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone! Meet my best friend, Glory...It was her wedding last Thursday..., and I'm her maid of honor, of course. Finally, she has experienced the thing we usually talked and dreamed about when we were younger- you know, walking down the aisle with fresh flowers as bouquet and the groom waiting at the altar. When we were young, we always talked about finding our dream guy and what he would look like. And we always end up laughing and giggling as we wind up with crazy ideas for our weddings.

We've been best friends since we were still babies, and we have gone through so many things already. There were times when all the odds were against us, but still we stood strong, holding and supporting each other. Among the two of us, she is the one who's had a fair share of love affairs. And my role would always be the listener and adviser. She's had more than a dozen of relationships already (LOL) And everytime she finds another guy, she would always tell me that she has finally found the right one. "Jan, he's really different from the others. This is it Jan, he's the one!" she would always excitedly tell me. Her relationships would go on smoothly at first and I could see her happiness. But the bottom line of all those flings..., is her wailing and crying over it.

I know, she's happy now, with her true love and her incoming baby. I haven't seen her so happy before, and it's good seeing her becoming more responsible and mature. And I'm so glad to know that she really has plans for her family.

To Glory, say goodbye to singlehood now. You are already a missus... (LOL) I also would like to thank you for being my best friend and for setting as a "bad" example... (LOL) And for telling me never to follow your trail... (laughs) Anywayz, I know you're happy. Take good care of yourself and your family. Remember, I'm your bestfriend, and forever, I will be.

The Chamber

2008-04-12T16:49:00.000+08:00

Reading has been my passion ever since letters and words become decipherable to me. I usually read books about courtroom trials and those that include mysteries and unsolved cases. I really love guessing and anticipating upcoming events of the novel. Romance novels, on the other hand, are boring and senseless for me. They all have the same plots and endings. On mystery and courtroom trial books, one will really find the brilliance of the author. Those with unexpected endings are what I like the most.

When I was younger, I usually read The Hardy Boys' adventure novels and Nancy Drew's mysteries. Now, I already go for Sidney Sheldon, John Grisham, and David Baldacci's works. Right now, I am reading another one of John Grisham's books, The Chamber. Here is a book review I found at Shelfari.

"The decision to bomb the office of the radical Jew lawyer was reached with relative ease." So begins Grisham's legal leviathan The Chamber, a 676-page tome that scrutinizes the death penalty and all of its nuances--from racially motivated murder to the cruel and unusual effects of a malfunctioning gas chamber.

Adam Hall is a 26-year-old attorney, fresh out of law school and working at the best firm in Chicago. He might have been humming Timbuk 3's big hit, "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades," if it wasn't for his psychotic Southern grandfather, Sam Cayhall. Cayhall, a card-carrying member of the KKK, is on death row for killing two men. Knowing his uncle will surely die without his legal expertise, Hall comes to the rescue and puts his dazzling career at stake, while digging up a barnyard of skeletons from his family's past. Grisham fans expecting the typical action-packed plot should ready themselves for a slower pace, well-fleshed-out characters, and heavy doses of sentimentalism.

What I like about this book, is that, it shows the pros and cons on the death penalty issues. I am so glad that it is not really quite an issue here in the Philippines. I don't believe in that "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth" logic of some people. For me, killing somebody for his past mistakes cannot do any good to him, to the government, nor to the aggrieved party. Killing criminals through the electric chair, gas chamber, or some other sorts is senseless. As a Christian, I believe that a man has no right of taking away the life of another human being. Only God has the right of giving and taking away His most precious gift to us.

Says it all...

2008-04-06T17:45:00.000+08:00

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are very independent and self-centered. You don't solve other people's problems - and you don't expect them to solve yours.

Your look is put together, classic, and stylish. You always look fashionable without trying.

You are a little shy and easily embarrassed. You often wonder if you are normal.

In relationships, you are practical and realistic. You have a romantic side, but you only let it out when it's appropriate.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

You Are 62% Feminine, 38% Masculine

You are in touch with your feminine side.

Sensitive, intuitive, and caring are all words that describe you.

And you're just masculine enough to relate to both men and women.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

Some things about that bathroom habits thingy are somewhat not very me.... But most of it.., well, pertains to my real qualities...

I'm glad I'm not very feminine. So, there is really a part of me that's masculine...

Summer's Fun, Surprises, and Farewells

2008-04-06T15:27:00.000+08:00

It's summertime once again! I can already feel the need to to stay in the shower for an hour... (LOL) The scorching heat of Mr. Sun can no longer be bore... We have to give ourselves a little break, unwind, and cool off.

Anywayz, I already have started enjoying the summer heat. Just recently, the Editorial Staff of our yearbook, which I am a member of, decided to hold its annual Summer Yearbook Camp. It was held in a very nice place. I really enjoyed all the activities, especially the night swimming sessions we had. This year's camp is indeed full of fun, enjoyment, and surprises. Some surprises are really very surprising and unexpected (LOL)... What I mean is that, never did I expect that such a time would just pop out and caught all of us off-guard. It turned out that many of the staff would be bidding goodbye. It was so saddening to realize that after spending so many memorable moments together, there will come a time that we have to say our farewells.

Nevertheless, the camp was indeed successful. Though I sometimes heard mumbles and rambles about the food and other trivial stuffs, we were able to hold all the activities successfully. I've learned so many things though... I mean, I really have to learn all of them. As if I have a choice... (sigh)

Experience is indeed the best teacher. Out of all my "mishaps" and mistakes, I've learned a very important lesson. Never be afraid to risk and accept the consequences of your actions. Hmm..., I know this is still quite confusing, but I don't want to elaborate things yet. The time will just come when I am already ready to discuss some things. Right now, I'll still keep these to myself.

The Simple Truth

2008-03-24T14:05:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone! Wow, it's so good to be back... I really haven't had a fruitful holy week. I spent it sleeping and reading in my room, instead of attending the masses and other "rituals" that we Catholics are supposed to attend. Actually, it was my choice. I could have attended if I wanted to, but I guess, the evil spirits who lurked inside my body really ruled over... Well, my fault- I allowed them to... (sigh)

Anyway, I was able to read another one of David Baldacci's book. It's entitled "The Simple Truth". I really love the story because it's about a prisoner who is not guilty of the crime that he is convicted of. It illustrates the soft side of criminals. I came to realize that not all who are inside the prison cells-- suffering and bearing the torments of punishments -- are guilty. There are also those who are convicted of some crimes that they are innocent of.

Anyway, I was able to find the synopsis of the story at Shelfari.
Here it is:

Rufus Harms is rotting in a Virginia military prison. As readers learn in the terse opening of The Simple Truth, he was convicted 25 years ago of the brutal killing of a young girl. Readers also learn that Rufus did not commit the crime; out of a haze of memories and with fragments of evidence, he has reconstructed the truth about the horrid event that ruined his life. He knows his discovery could cost him his life, so he breaks from prison after sending an appeal to the Supreme Court that details a massive conspiracy tied into the foundations of Washington.

The complex drama of Rufus Harms is only one of the interwoven threads in this massive, violent legal thriller that also draws from the vocabulary of hard-boiled crime fiction. Baldacci offers glimpses into the arcane politics of the high court, where Justice Elizabeth Knight wages war with the manipulative Chief Justice Harold Ramsay. And while Harms struggles to keep out of harm's way and the justices duke it out, Supreme Court law clerk Sara Evans toils with ex-cop John Fiske to discover the import of Harms's appeal (and, simultaneously, to uncover the murderer of Mike Fiske, John's law clerk-brother and the original holder of the appeal). Their interest in the document apparently draws the attention of the same deadly conspirators who manipulated Harms over two decades earlier. While the armed mayhem sometimes rises to the point of excess, Baldacci's novel continues to offer new surprises until the final pages. --Patrick O'Kelley

Congratulations!

2008-03-16T19:43:00.000+08:00

I've witnessed it all. How she hurdled all those obstacles, how she coped up with the problems, how she bore the tormenting pain (LOL)... Well, how can I not? Were so sisters, you know?

Anyway, after 5 years (5 because, she first took up Accountancy, then shifted to Nursing) of burning the midnight candle, finally, she is able to graduate. Actually, when I said she's burning the midnight candle, I was just exaggerating. I mean, just for it to seem normal. One thing I admire about my sister, is that she doesn't seem to be studying very hard, but still she is able to get really high grades. Studying and preparing for an exam for me would mean staying in my room and facing nothing else but books, notes, papers. But my Ate? Gee..., for her it means sitting in front of the TV, cuddling her books, and texting. She then studies during commercial breaks. She just seems to have really high I.Q. or something...

I remember before, when we were still young (I mean younger than this time), we used to fight often. And we were not just contented with oral arguments at that. We really did fist fights (LOL), slapping, kicking, name it... we did that before. We stopped fighting when we were already in high school. We, sort of, realized that we were more mature then. And we already had common interests, crushes, and friends. We were even in the same clubs and organizations before, and all the teachers and students knew that we are sisters. It was like, we were identified before as distinctive and matchless (laughs).

When we entered college, we even got along more. Although, we rarely see each other because of conflict in schedules, we still are real close with each other. Every time, we got the chance to meet, we find ourselves having a load of things to say to each other.

Okey, so Ate, you owe me one now because I made this post for you (kidding). Congratulations! You really deserve it. Continue soaring high. Luv yah!!!!

Whhhaaaatttttt??????

2008-03-12T09:25:00.000+08:00

" pleaseeee....pinoy ka ba? E di idiot ka rin", goes a comment on the Q & A portion of one of the winners of BB. Pilipinas.

I was really very offended by this comment. I think the words are just harsh. I know the commentator is just expressing her disgust to the answer of the candidate, but saying a thing like that is just not right. She is no longer talking about the candidate, she is now talking about all Filipinos already. And she is saying that we are idiots... Can you believe that? Just because a Filipina wasn't able to answer the pageant's question, she thinks that all Filipinos are like that. How dare her say that! Now, that just shows that she is also an empty barrel. And she doesn't have the right to say ill things to us. I know, the candidate really messed up, that her answer even caused so much reactions from the people. And her winning the pageant even caused much more controversies. It was really a shame, but i think she already had enough ridicules. Guys, so much for that already. Let's just watch out for this girl. I know, she will appear in the Philippine comedy shows soon.... LOL....

2008-03-04T18:00:00.000+08:00

Greed and Avarice

There is a family of farmers,

Who owns a vast land of thousand acres;
Of money and wealth they are rich
Power and influence- no longer they beseech.

Gaining fortune is their way of life,
Between siblings there is a strife.
Love and concern no longer exist,
For they were replaced with avarice.

Penniless relatives they do not recognize,
The wealthy ones they despise;
Fortune and wealth they want on their own
The richest people, they want to be known.

Greedy, rapacious, these people are;
The others, they do not want to go far.
Contentment is never on their minds,
They take everything and leave others behind.

There is a family of farmers,
Who owns a vast land of thousand acres;
Selfish and greedy they may be,
But still they are so dear to me.

A Sadist or a Homosexual?

2008-03-03T17:03:00.000+08:00

I guess this blog has gained a reputation already. Like, this can already be linked with the words sentiment, melancholy, or impetuosity. Well, anyway, I just can't help it to be emotional at times. And those are the times that I really feel the need to grab a pen and scribble on some words.

This is my first post this month. And, sorry to those who are expecting another "emo" story from me. I can't think of anything just yet. Maybe because I am still enraged by one of my profs. And I know that I am not alone in this ire. I saw how his other students reacted to his attitude... Some even cried, some cursed him, and the others just let out their anger to other things, like our chairs... (sigh) I don't know, but he just seems to be sooooo.... hard to please. He wants to receive a perfect output from us when, in fact, he did not even discuss a thing. I can even count the number of meetings we had using my fingers on one hand.

I understand that college professors need to be tough to their students. But I don't think being tough includes embarrassing the students in front of many people and telling them that they are dumb and good-for-nothing. And I guess, yelling and bawling out is already below the belt. To some students, he is an addition to their burdens. His subject is not the only one they are taking. They still have their major subjects to worry about. But some of his students don't take his misdemeanors seriously though. I even overheard one saying: "He is just a suppressed homosexual. Hey, why don't we help him out of his closet?" And we bursted out laughing.

Why does he keep on being soooo.... tough? Is he a sadist who finds pleasure in seeing his students suffer? Or is he really a suppressed homosexual who is pretending to be tough to cover up his soft side? Whichever it is.... I just hope for a miracle to help him realize what he really wants and for him to be aware of the misery he is causing his students.

2008-02-26T21:04:00.000+08:00

Dear Person Concerned,

I don't know how to start with this... but here it goes...

We've been friends long enough, and I have seen you grow up. I was there when you had your first answer from love line, and I was also there when the line went dead. I didn't see you as a man yet then.

Now, things have changed. Things happened swiftly; but gradually, I found myself falling. I tried to no avail to suppress my feelings. But my heart just won't let me. I suddenly realized that all my roads are leading to you. Fate even went to such high lengths just to play this big joke on me. I found it easier to dream about you and think about you, than facing you at all.

Now, things went off hand. I know something went wrong along the way. It wasn't your fault, but I don't want to take all the blame either. You were really nice to me, but sometimes you tend to humiliate me also. And I just hate it! How can I believe you when you were so inconsistent right from the start? I know you were not also sure about your feelings for me.. it's okey. I understand somehow. It doesn't take a genius to see how impossible it is for someone like you to actually like me. It means not very likely to happen for reasons so obvious.

Now, I found myself wishing it did not happen at all. How I wish you did not start noticing me the way you did before. I wish you did not say those things you told me. I swear I could have believed you; but I also know that what i want would never happen at all. How I hope you did not strat flirting with me. It seems so real, I could've believed every touch was genuine, every gesture was meant. I shouldn't have crossed the line between friendship and "the next level". I shouldn't have allowed myself to get tied so tightly to that hope that Cupid is cooking something wonderful for us, for now I have a hard time breaking free.

Now, I want to ask something from you... just one thing please... "Can you please stop picking on me?" I don't know, but when ti comes to you, I started getting confused on what is the real thing and what is the joke. I am having a hard time acting casually when you are around. Just please start treating me like the others. i can really feel that you are keeping your distance from me. It's okey, I will not run after you anyway. But hey! Just remember that I'll be just right here. And when you feel like turning around, then you'll see me.... always ready to give out a hand.

('-')

UNTITLED: Part 5

2008-02-15T15:04:00.000+08:00

It was like a temporary lunacy. No matter how hard I tried to conceal my emotions, the pain is so tormenting that bearing it would be the most futile thing to do. But I endured the misery.

I tried to be numb and deadened,. but never did it work. How can I continue to avoid him when someone keeps us connected? How can I not feel his presence when I am aware of even his littlest minutia? How will I learn to hate him when he is all my heart yearns?

We could have straightened things out, but I decided to leave things as they were. I am never a risk-taker. I could no longer afford to lose someone I love. Enigma, yes it was. But I would rather live with my gazillions of "what ifs", than to discern the reality that could hurt me twice as much.

-end-

UNTITLED: Part 4

2008-02-15T14:45:00.000+08:00

"He is such a nice guy. You know, I think you really have to meet him...." Just by looking at the sparkles of her eyes, I can easily tell that she is so much in-love. She has never been in such euphoria before. His name has become the most precious word to her, that even its utterance could send her to ecstasy. What has that guy done to deserve her?

Then the time has come for me to meet the mysterious guy she has been talking about. I don't know why, but something tells me to just run and flee before it's too late. Well, what should I be afraid of? That guy will see...., If he happens to be the type who plays around with women.... I swear, I will make sure he will forever regret having been on this side of the earth.

"He's here!" , came her exciting shrill.

Why am I feeling this way? Go.... Run... Hurry...! I should not be getting nervous. Why should I? Flee.... Escape... Hide... Quick...! I should be keeping my cool.... I am not supposed to g--....

"Sis, I'd like you to meet........" I can no longer hear the rest of the words. All I am aware of was that pair of dark gray eyes staring straight at me. No! This could not be... Why is he here? Am I just dreaming? No! He is supposed to be dead in my memory. Why does he keep on coming back? But this can't be just a mistake. I looked at him, and I can tell that he is just as shocked as me.

-to be continued-

UNTITLED: Part 3

2008-01-18T16:04:00.000+08:00

"Don't worry, I'll be only gone for a while.... And when I come back, nothing in the world could ever separate us again...."

I believed him..... But those words unexpectedly turned out to be the most romantic irony......

We had the most promising and ideal romance every girl dreams of having. He is such a Romeo, and I feel like being a Juliet everytime that I am with him. But fate has done the most adversarial thing to set us apart. While he was away, he met a very tragic mishap. How I wanted to be with him during that trying predicament! But I was left with no choice but to wait in agony.

Suddenly, all his memories vanished in a snap. Everything happened so fast-- and the last thing I knew is that, that very moment is the end of it all. If only I was with him during that maudlin moment, this could not have happened.

Then I realized that I am no longer a part of his life. Gone are the moments we had... gone are the promises... gone is the man I truly loved..... It was very hard to bear. I had a very hard time adjusting... I thought I could never recover from this tormenting feeling, because I never thought of living life without him. But in time..., I came to realize that no matter what I'll do, I could never have him again.

I thought that realization would be the end of my anguish, but it turned out to be just the beginning of yet another doom in my life.....

-to be continued-

UNTITLED: Part 2

2008-01-15T16:22:00.000+08:00

"And then he asked me to marry him!" I've never seen her so happy before. I guess I did the right thing after all.

"H-he did? O-oh....." That was such a hard blow on the stomach.

"Hey sis..! Are you alright....? Are you not happy for me...?"

"H-huh...? Yeah..., of course, I am!" I tried hard to conceal the pain that the news brought.
"Know what? I think you'll be the prettiest bride on earth," I said and meant it.

After kissing her goodbye, I sprinted out of the room with tears in my eyes. I tried to hold them back, but I could no longer bear the pain.

I tried to reminisce the memories that I shared with him, and each scene brings back the sparkles and bliss that now are like knives tormenting my whole body.

As the rain continues to pour down, this vexing pain continues to torture me. How could he do this to me? How could he have made those promises? Why her? Of all the people on earth, why did he choose to love her?

-to be continued-