Counting God's blessings....

God has been so good to me. I don't know why, but it scares me at times. I know I haven't been the most wonderful person in the world. I don't go to church, and I can't even remember the last time I was able to hear mass. I do things even if I know that it is against His teachings, and I know He is aware that there are times when I even doubt His existence. But despite all that, God continues to shower me with so much blessings.

When I graduated from high school, everything was uncertain, but He showed me the way. The day right after graduation, I was given the greatest opportunity in my life. Then, I knew, all my dreams will never be put to waste. Holy Child Hospital was then my 'knight in shining armor'. By being able to work there, I got the chance to continue with my schooling. It was a tough and challenging experience, but I never gave up. I continued counting God's blessings...

When the time came that I thought I will no longer be able to survive working at HCH and studying at the same time, God led me to another way. He gave me Pylon. God has been so wonderful in having given me the mindset of an older being. Who could have thought that a 17 - year old girl will be able to make big decisions for herself? I never gave up HCH yet until I am already sure of my luck at Pylon. And luck it is; I had been given the best 'break' in my life at Pylon, and I was able to hone my skills and continue college on my own perseverance. And then I knew, I will still be counting God's blessings...

After years of hard work, I finally earned my most coveted treasure - my college diploma. Passing the Stenographer Exam is not something that I planned. I just did what I was told to do, but God knew I will be needing it, and now I'm counting more of His blessings...

While sitting at a bench inside the church, I was asking for a sign if I should quit my tiring job. I didn't know what to do if I lost that job, but God had already been cooking something wonderful for me. He knew I will need a job to replace my first one, and He gave it to me right away. When my college dean called me and offered me a teaching position, I knew I will be counting some more of God's blessings.

When I was at the hospital to get certification of my medical condition, which I will use for resignation from my first job, I was clueless of what was about to come. The salary that I will get from teaching will never be enough for my needs and for my contribution to the family's budget. I need another source of income. I may have prayed loudly that time that God immediately heard me. Even before I got out from the hospital, I received a text from somebody who needs a part - time writer, and asked if I was available. I was awe - stricken. God answered me in a matter of minutes. He wants me to know He is always by my side, listening to my every prayers; and I continue counting His blessings.

More and more blessings keep pouring in. More jobs are opening for me. God has never really abandoned me. He knows I have gone through a lot already. He has given me the right people, who will never lead me to a different way. He continues to bless my family. He gave me a wonderful person, who loves me and supports my every endeavor. He gave me great friends. No matter how enigmatic the future may be, I will have God, and I know I will continue counting some more blessings.

Should it then?

Goodness... I am so alone tonight...

Should his antidote mount a stumbling soup?

Well, who knows?

An update, finally!

"So, how's your teaching?" She said this with a beaming smile on her face (close man kuno mi... hehe).

I almost answered, "Well, I just had my students evaluate me before going here, and like, 60% of them said that I speak too fast, 20% said that I should refrain from speaking in English because they have trouble understanding the language, 10% said that I need to be strict, 5% insisted that they like me because I'm not strict, I teach well, and I speak well; while the remaining 5% said that they like the way I look and the way I walk. Oh, by the way, how come you did not interview me? I heard you gave the other new instructors a hard time." However,I decided to just stay safe and answered with a very coy: "It's okay ma'am... I'm getting by."

And she said, "Great! So, what do we have today?" I submitted her the transcriptions and stayed for a little chit-chat with her.

Whew! It's been two months now since I started living in what they call the 'real' world. My first job was kinda not really my thing. I found every single day dreading at the thought of going to work. It's not really because I find the work so hard, but because I found the schedule inconvenient, the atmosphere not healthy, and the people not caring about each other.

I got sick after three weeks of taking calls and when I came back, I had a short talk with my supervisor. I can still remember how the talk started:

Sup: "Do you drink?"
Me: "Nope..."
Sup: "Do you smoke?"
Me: "No..."
Sup: "Do you party?"
Me: "Nope.."
Sup: "Hmmmnnn... but you do go out..."
Me: "Not at night, that is."
Sup: "Ha? So, why do you get sick?"

And I almost blurted out, "because I don't like it here!" But, I just said, "I don't know, perhaps because it is just so cold in here."

I was already at the verge of giving up and decided to go to church. I asked for a sign whether I already need to resign and find another more health - friendly job. The day right after that, I received a call from my college dean asking me to teach a few subjects. I never hesitated and accepted the offer right away. Even though I already thought that that call must have been the sign I was asking, I still continued reporting to my first job. I endured two more weeks keeping up with the two jobs that I have, until I met one of my college instructors. He couldn't believe that I am working as a call center agent. I can still remember his words: "Why do you young people go to the call center?" And I answered him with a "Duh... Because it is where you can immediately find a job." Our conversation went on until he had to say goodbye, saying that he still needs to fetch his kids and they will all watch cartoons. I was like..., "cartoons?! at that age?!" And he said, "Yes, cartoons! Don't watch real, heart-pinching shows. Watch cartoons and ENJOY YOUR LIFE!"

You know the thing in the movies when you hear the words in slow motion and the person you are talking with suddenly becomes the only thing that you see because everything else turns white? That was what happened to me during that time. I could only see my instructor with his round, almond eyes staring directly at me and everything around us is so white; and the words "ENJOY YOUR LIFE!" came to me in slow motion. I was really dumbfounded. It was like the words were meant to change me.

I hadn't fallen asleep that night. The words kept repeating on my mind. Then, I thought, how long will I be able to keep up with this lifestyle? I don't have kids to feed, anyway. Why do I have to keep two jobs? Yes, I'm young and still single. I deserve to enjoy my life at this stage. I was supposed to report for duty at three in the morning that day, but my body just won't allow me to get up. I wasn't able to sleep, and I felt like fainting when I forced myself to rise. When I woke up, I decided to quit my first job and just concentrate on teaching and the few transcription and writing rakets that I have.

Things have been going on so smoothly, so far. I teach, I write, I transcribe, and I also go to school for my masters. I am getting used to teaching and the "ma'am" thing, except when the Pylonites use it to call me.

I so miss making hard laughs. I haven't laughed hard since the last Yearbook Camp. I am also dismayed at the idea that Keeya, Biya, Jhit and Leop are like miles away from where I am. Hello? Guys? How about the get-to we've been planning since last month? Argh! (*sigh) I wish I can chill out with the Pylonites again some time. It is only them who can make me laugh so hard, unmindful of how I look. They are the coolest, and they know me well enough to discern when I need to talk and when I need to be silent.

Whoa! Too much for the drama queen! I need to get moving with my write-ups now. Whew! an update after 48 years...

...

Current feeling: sad
Current state of mind: Blank

So, how will I start? It seems that I have a lot of explaining to do. So, from where do I begin? Okay...

Classes have finally ceased. Yep, ceased permanently for me and 2800 others more. I have this mixed feelings about this. First, I am happy, very happy indeed; because finally, I will be able to say "bye, bye" to college life. But then, it dawned on me that not only will I say goodbye to school, I also need to kiss Pylon goodbye. This is what scares me. I am scared of going out to the real world (as they call it) and leaving my Pylon siblings. Am I ready? Nope, definitely not. So, where does that leave me? - to a world of question marks and exclamation points.

Honestly, I still haven't imagined life away from our little, colorful office. Yes, I had been aware that this moment will really come - when I have to make decisions for myself, when I have to become used to becoming away from people I love, when working isn't about just as fun and exciting, when an 8-hour workday becomes a routine, when bondings and laags already become an occasion. (*sigh) I guess, I have to bear with everything now.


What consoles me is the fact that I will be already on my own. Actually, independence was something I've already known since my high school graduation. However, this would be something different. I would be preparing myself for something heavier, something that's already mine. It's me against the world now or me for the world.

Ugh! I guess, being alone for a couple of days turned me into another melodramatic freak. I just hope he comes back very soon. This thing scares me and there's no one I can share this to right now (sigh)...

Boongga!

Oh! so I have a blog pala... (*wink) Guess, I totally forgot about this (*sigh). Things hadn't really been easy for me. I had so many things to attend to. The previous months had been a whole lot busier than I thought. I had the production of the hardbound yearbook to focus on, my classes aren't that easy to handle either, my on-the-job-training has started and I need to complete 200 hours of duty for me to graduate this March, I had IPRs, team-building activities, and parties to organize for Pylon, plus this little raket raket stuffs which consumed my remaining available time. Whew! Imagine that? And mind you, I still was able to spend time with my loved ones.

Three more months, and my life would undergo a total restructuring. A change in everything is something that I still cannot accept right now. For now, my whole time and attention is focused on the present.

There had been a lot of changes in my life this year. Good thing, the yearbook production didn't give me a lot of headaches and heartaches this year. Well, thanks to my staff who made things easier for me, this year. I guess, the biggest contributing factor of my despair, agony and sadness last year was the people themselves. Yep, sad to say that. It wasn't that I never had any idea of the yearbook-making process, it wasn't that I did not know how to lead at first, it wasn't that I did not know anything about the bidding, the papers, the printing stuffs... The right people could have helped me on that, I could have managed those things with everybody's help and cooperation. Well, I don't really want to elaborate on that. We were able to produce the yearbook with positive feedback from everybody anyway. All in all, I can confidently say that my staff this year is way too easier to handle than that of last year's. Boongga!

Hmmn... My recap for my 2009 would be for another post na lang... I have a raket stuff to finish now, and I'm also waiting for a call para sa isa pang raket (*laughs). Boongga, di ba?

Oh, by the way, Merry Christmas to everybody! My christmas is a bit different this year. My 24th is spent shopping with Bea (Char! shopping daw...) Shopping goods for the workaholic people of Pylon, who spent the holidays doing their tasks (*bason naa tay bonus ani, guys.. hehe...) Okey, back to my christmas. Did I say it's a bit different? Yep. I went to church with my family and ate noche buena with them, but at around one o'clock in the morning, I had to transfer to another house and spend the remaining hours with Jheck and eat another set of noche buena with him. (mao ra toy naka different. bow!)

A few more days, and classes will start once again. Ugh! I just remembered... that the first day of classes for 2010 is also my birthday. Whew! I will be turning a year older. I hope twenty-one isn't that old yet because I don't really feel like becoming older (awh?). Still, I have my classes to attend to, my duty hours at DBP isn't even halfway the required hours yet, and the interactive yearbook making continues. More busy days are yet to come.

For now, I am really hoping that we could go to our planned trip to Siquijor tomorrow. I need to unwind, rejuvenate, restore my lost energy, and give my mind a break for a while.

Happy New Year, everyone. I wish everybody love, joy and world peace. We can do this, people! We can always hurdle everything and continue with life's race. I hope everybody will have a joyous 2010.

Here are some random pictures of my 2009.

Sa maglagot rah...

Wooohhh!!! I so miss this blog. It's like years since my last post! Geez...!

I really don't know where to start. My life had been and is still a hullabaloo ride until now. Whew! But here I am - still alive, kicking and fighting.

I really thought before that my second year as EIC would be a whole lot better than the first. I guess I was wrong then, because no load was ever lifted from my shoulders. Instead, more and more are added up every day. (hahaiz...) Honestly, I am so tired already. I am so tired squeezing up my mind to think of something good for the organization. I am so tired making up excuses for my absences from my classes (my teachers are already tired listening to my reasons.) I am so tired covering up my people's faults. I am so tired leading some people who do not want to be led, who thinks that I am belittling them when I give them instructions, and who criticize me and blame me with something that I am not even aware of doing to them. Well, I guess these things are just part of my position.

However, if only one or two people are against me and the rest of the staff still loves me, I know I wouldn't be budged. When I was able to get a very good result from the evaluation I conducted, I then guess that the problem is not with me. When everybody crowds around me while nobody goes near the two of them, I guess, this is not a matter of inefficiency as a leader, but an issue of insecurity on their part. When everybody calls me "Ate" and flashes their sweetest smiles when they see me, while they give you a "who-the-hell-are-you" kind of look or an "are-you-part-of-the-team" curious glances, then I guess, I am not to blame here.

If you think what you say really matters... C'mon...! Hija, ang kitid ng utak mo. Or are you just that insensitive that you can never feel how people here (including me, of course) despises you. Had I not been taught by my parents with respect to elders, I have long kicked you out of here. Insubordination could be more than enough reason, y'know.

And if you think that telling people stuffs about me can let you earn their sympathy. Duh, wake up! Be sure they are really that loyal to you. You might just end up regretting ever opening your stupid mouth, ever...

Oh, and don't worry... I have breeding and I was raised right. I was taught not to make "patol" with unworthy people. I prefer to stay silent and look fabulous.

Hahaiz... I'm fine, really. I am just writing here the things that I cannot say in front of people. As a head, I am obliged to deal with stupid people professionally.

Don't worry guys... You will never hear these words from me. Diri ra ni. Ako bitaw ning blog... (*wink)