On certainties and frailties....

It has been quite a while since my last post. It's because of a helluva lot of stuffs that I need to accomplish. And, well, frankly, I ran out of things to rant. Not because my life became satisfying all of a sudden, but because I got confused of which one to seethe upon.

Anywayz, I am actually in the middle of making some yearbook stuffs when I felt this need to blog. Okey, so what's the title again? Oh yup... These past few weeks, it was like I was in the middle of a hurricane. Nothing, of all those things that I did, seemed right anymore. I was confused and my brain was like not functioning at all. I have done silly stuffs. Silly, did I say? Nope, it's more than that. It was ridiculous, inane, harebrained. Ok, I know they mean the same thing, but it's totally S-T-U-P-I-D!!!!!

I am certain of some things, yet I don't know why I am still frail on stuffs related to them. I mean, come on.... Hello? Will somebody thwack this insanity right off me? Yes, it was insanity. It is indeed. And I don't want that madness to take over and dominate my life again. Shall I give you an idea? Nah..., you wouldn't believe it. I still even try to convince myself that it was just one of those nightmares that used to haunt me when I was a kid. But, ugh! Stupid reality keeps pushing its way!

I knew it! I was certain of it! And now, I am trying to be definite about it. No more turning back, Janj. No more turning to the wrong path. This is one of those things that I really have to face no matter how shameful and appalling it may be. Then I guess, I just have to cope with it. I cannot turn back the time. If only I could, I will never hesitate to do so. I will never be shilly-shally to change my ways or correct my wrongdoings. I've had enough and that should be it. No more additions to it. I have been certain but I've also been frail and stupid to let skewed things be. I am now officially putting a period to it all. And this time, by all means, it's indubitable.

Insensitivity to the limit! (call it stupidity)

I was alone in the office when my friend gave me a link to this video. I find it funny yet so saddening. Well, the guy seems to be just so stupid, that his stupidity already made him very insensitive to what the girl is trying to make him feel... Duh... But I like the song anyway. The singer seems so sincere. Then I thought, over-sincerity can also lead to insensitivity... Insensitivity to the point of not seeing (or trying not to see) the flaws in a relationship. Well, this song is an exaggeration, but it still has a point.

This insanity ends here!

Dear Person Concerned,


I want to begin my days anew, with the thought of becoming the person I want myself to be. I want to experience something different in my life-- something that I think is right and could make everyone around me happy. I want to learn form the real world-- from the words I read, the sounds I hear, the things I see, and the touches I feel. I want to live again... this time, without the thoughts of you.

It has been quite while since I lived my life freely-- free from worries and fears, free from doubts and insecurities, free from you. Now, things already fell to their right places. All those questions I've been holding for so long are finally answered. Now I know where I really belong.

Life is a journey filled with many choices, and the challenges and choices that I have now, helped me find the dreams that I know are meant true for me. I know what my heart yearns, but I also know that it's better for me to follow what my mind dictates. Forgetting about how I feel may be such a great task, but I know anything can be accomplished if I just set my mind to it.

It was such a great experience. I've learned so much from it. Now, I'm stronger and I know I can handle things better. I just want to thank you for sharing with my vulnerabilities and making me feel loved, even for a short time. Thank you for all the realizations. It's so funny how both of us realized different things at the same time.

Now, it's over. I called it stupidity before, but I realized later on that it's a blessing from God. May you try to search for a new perspective, lean towards understanding, and find happiness that lasts. You deserve the best in life. You just have to be willing to work for it, no matter how long it takes.

And as for me, I'll go on with my life. We both know that I'm stronger than you are, so you don't have to worry. I'll be right here, in case you need somebody to talk to. Let's just continue with our dreams. The world is such a wonderful place, and we are so lucky to be part of it.