?????

I was browsing through my previous posts when I was able to read again my April 30 post. It's about that very big decision that I made in my life. I don't know why, but I was like, struck at this part of the post:

"Seems like I really have so much to miss. Nevertheless, I left for good. I know, I made the right decision. I may have learned a lot, but I know that I can never grow there. It's like I am confined only in the areas they assign to me. And that is not the life that I want. Now, I found the place where I know I will learn more and better things- things that I am really interested at. I know, it is still too early for me to say this, but I know, that I just made the best decision in my life, so far."

Did I really make the right decision when I decided to leave? I know I was very happy before being in the place that I choose. But, things really change. Maybe, I'm partly at fault because I know that I am not able to handle things perfectly. I don't have enough courage to decide on things. I even feel like a fool. It's not that I am always playing safe, I just want my colleagues to be part of whatever decisions will be made. Aside from that, there are a lot of them who have been here longer than I am and I just hate comparisons.

My greatest fear in life is being not good enough. Well, now I know that I am never good enough, that is why I sometimes feel awfully depressed. I can even feel the change in me, and worse, my family has felt it too. So many things keep on bugging me; so many realizations keep haunting me, and I know I'd be totally upset once those things will happen.

Waahh!!! Why is this post so negative? Ugh! Just can't help it!