Christmas Dilemma

The Christmas season has just flewn like a whirlwind. It just came and went by. For me, it was the worst that I had, so far. The events during the season was distressing and disappointing to me. It was not like the other Christmases that I had which became very remarkable. Well, maybe it is, but in a very different, unexpecting way.
First and foremost, the bonus that we are usually expecting during this season has not yet arrived. Now, I have to really keep a tight budget to survive the rest of the month. My once exciting christmas shopping now turned into a very lonesome moment in my room. I just amused myself with reading books and worse...., talking to myself!
Secondly, I terribly miss my friends. I'm stuck with all my office works, while I keep on thinking about the fun we had during our Christmas party.
And lastly, and probably the worst..., there were really some people who keep on bugging me. Well, there were people that I really hate. I super do that their presence, even, infuriates me. And they still keep on existing.... Whoa...! I wish they'll be dumped into the right places.

My New Inspiration

I guess, I was just having a lot of fun lately. I don't know, but all I want to do is laugh with my friends. I think its healthy anyway.... Well, nothing really interesting has happened. I met this old woman yesterday. She is very talkative and I instantly liked her. I really admired her views on life. Despite her being alone and old, she still manages to admire life and enjoy everything that she has. She narrated to me her life story and it was really interesting. She has gone to several places already and she can still remember vividly what has happened to each of the places. Wow...., what a memory she also got. Anyways, she wants me to call her Tita Marge. She is 88, I guess. She is a mestiza and she speaks both English and Spanish. Tita Marge really made me ponder on things and I get to learn so many things about life through her. She inspires me to look at the lighter views of life and consider every problem as a blessing. I don't know why she treats me nicely. Maybe because she has long been craving for a daughter. Though she wasn't able to have it, she is still very happy being with her young girl friends, including me, of course. I consider myself very lucky to have her as my "old" friend. Though it was just an unexpected meeting, it was really worth it. She came to me when I badly need someone to talk to and share what I've been keeping inside. See, the timing is really amazing. I think God sent her to me. After our talk, my views towards life, instantly changed. Now, I think I'm stronger and I can handle things on my own. I wish everybody will be able to have the opportunity to meet someone like Tita Marge and get really inspired like me.

Trust and Men

"Trust and men are two words that don't belong in a sentence together"
I was browsing this book in a bookstore when this sentence caught my attention. It was written in bold letters and nice font style that it immediately struck my eyes. Well, Ms. Deliberate as I am, I pondered on those words for a while. Actually, the author has the point. Trust is a word that can never be associated with men. Well, actually, I don't hate them or something. In fairness to them, I don't have any problems with most of their race.... a few, maybe. Call me a chauvinist and I don't care. I'm just trying to let out this crap that nobody has dared to slap out of me.
Will somebody be good enough to thwack this thing outta here???!!!! Will somebody make me bring to fruition the real state of affairs that I have to face????!!!! Maybe I'm just too scared to ask and admit some things to myself. I know, one of these days, this ambiguity that makes me falter and stagger will become apparent. I just hope that will be soon enough.

Where's mine?

"And I sit here, listening to everyone else's love story.... And thinking.... Where's mine?"
Whoa! It really hit me hard on the face. I just read this short message from my cousin and it really made me ponder on things. I guess, that stupe really intended to destroy my day. Oh well, I'm afraid to admit, but she really succeeded on that. After reading that short message, I came to question myself. What is really wrong with me? I dont think I've got less than those other girls there. In fact, my mother always tells me that I have more. Whoa..., thanks to her. At least I've developed my self-confidence after all these years. But really, I always don't understand why until now nothing has yet thrilled me like those of my friends. Well, it's not that I'm in a hurry or something. In fact I'm even too young for that. But, oh well, blame this sentiment to my dearest cousin.
One of my friends used to tell me that I just look mean and brave that no one dares to approach me. Is it really the reason? Will I have to change the way I walk or talk? Or do I have to always wear a smile while walking (then everybody will think I've already lost my sanity...tsk,tsk...) Or worse, do I have to be flirty or something? Eewww..... I just can't imagine myself playing charming and cute in front of the guys. Huh... why am I making this hard for myself? Well, actually, this is just to express how I really feel. It's just not so fair. I never intended to make good grades and dress up to be left out and not being noticed. Now, you think that I'm the kind of girl who want to be noticed and get good impressions. Please don't. Consider me as just a confused young lass who is still not bound into the real things in life.
Oh well, I know it will just come. And when it does, I want it to be worth the wait. But as of yet, let me just continue playing my sentimental side. What is taking him so long? Why has everybody found theirs already? Where is mine?