Monday, October 13, 2008

On friendship and duties... (To whom it may concern)

I am fuming and seething right now! I really want to wreck the necks (sorry for the phrase) of some people!!!

I don't know until how long will I be able to bear the headaches that they have been causing me. It's just so enraging knowing that they are just laughing and talking ill stuffs about me while I am already on the point where I wanna throw stuffs here! The nerve! I don't know how they still get so nervy as to not standing on their words. Is it because they just treat me as somebody whom they can easily fool? Is it because they just consider me as the frail and flimsy person whom they can easily dupe?

I've been through enough of them already. Now, I know that you can never trust the same people forever. Oftentimes, they let you trust them for some selfish, shrewdly calculated, cerebral reason. Now, I learned to put a gap between friendship and duties. There should always be that huge barricade between the two, especially when it concerns stuffs that could affect so many people and could even ruin a reputation.

They just don't know how I sacrificed a lot of things for this. I now feel so frustrated. Just can't help it. Things did not go on as I expected and as I wanted. And worst, the very people that I expected to stand by me throughout seems to turn their backs on me. The people who convinced me to accept this very big responsibility and promised me that they will just be there whenever I need help, now seems to be the people who caused me this much misery.

I've been very understanding, kind and considerate to them ever since. I can see no reason at all for them to fail and betray me like this. I gave them every favor that I could give yet they seem so ungrateful. I don't wanna sound so bitter here, but they made me like this.

I know that some of them no longer have that "fire" for the organization because they now have a much better one. They sometimes make us as a scapegoat or something. Some of them, takes advantage while some plays safe when in front of me.

I am really angry right now. No matter how many "sorry's" they say can never ease what I'm feeling. I just can't say things right in front of their faces and I just hate myself for being like this. I am always concerned about how others will feel. I just wish I could shout insanities in their faces. I just wish I could show them how angry I am without crying in front of them like I do now.

I don't know how long will I be able to take this. I just wish for more courage to do the things that I need to do and continue what I've started. And as for them? Well, they're old enough to know stuffs. And I know they are not that insensitive to not feel what I wanted them to feel. I hope they'll realize that we are still important to them (for profitable reasons, of course). That no matter how "low" I may be to them, I still have the power to decide on things that might be important to them soon.

1 comment:

bong said...

Hi friend, kalma ra. This is your first ever angry post, I suppose. Anyway, I can relate to this. Very much. Therefore, allow me to share some thoughts. Hehe

Sometimes, you have to build walls so that people will know how to separate the nature of work and the nature of friendship. Sometimes, you have to be cruel in order to be kind. Supposed to be, friendship is important for a healthy working environment, but in most cases (like mine), some people tend to disrespect or ignore a leader because they never see him or her as one --- they only see it as a friend. Ahai. Yawyaw ko.

Just go on friend! It’s nice to be the villain for good reasons! If it’s for the good of the organization and if it’s for the betterment of everyone, then, you have to be harsh at some times! After all, if they are really your FRIENDS, they will understand why you have to act that way.

Aja, friend!