Dear girls,
I have this friend. Her husband, unfortunately, has taken to gambling since last year. They have lost so much since then - their savings, their car, and possibly their home, too, if they don't do anything about all the debts that are piling up fast. Yes, aside from losing the things they owned, he also incurred a significant amount of debts.
I have and am helping her out in ways I could (financial blessings and prayers), and made sure she knows that I am always here whenever she needs me. I consider her a good friend and you have to always do what you can for your friends.
I have been thinking about her lately. I cannot imagine the devastation she might be feeling. And I know she's hurting a lot right now. She has extended forgiveness multiple times, despite the betrayal, dishonesty, and deception she had to endure. Yet, things seem to have taken turn for the worse for their family. I do know, though, that one day God will free her husband from the shackles of gambling and fix him, their marriage, and his relationship with the Lord. In His time, I know all will be well.
What breaks my heart more is the fact that she is financially dependent on her husband. He is the only one earning. She is a full time home maker and is homeschooling their kids. The husband currently has no income and they went back to living with his parents.
I am telling you this, girls, because I want you to understand how important it is for you to earn your own money. Yes, it is nice to just live a soft life and leave the earning and providing with the husband, but for me that is like standing on an unpredictably shaky ground.
It is very important that you are not 100% dependent on your man financially. You have to also earn so you have your own savings and have funds for the things that you like for yourself or for blessing the people that God wants you to bless. Having the ability to earn will also take some of the pressure off the husband as well as serve as a backup in case the husband suddenly becomes incapacitated.
If a man prohibits you from earning and generating your own income, then he is not the one for you. That is one trait of an abusive man. A man who asks an independent woman to stop earning is asking her to be insecure about her capabilities, lose her purpose, and be fully dependent on a flawed, imperfect human being.
Yes, when you get married you become one, but the woman should not just morph with the husband - the woman should remain as her own person with her own hobbies, friends, and income.
One important quality that we, girls, have to develop is the ability to generate our own income. Your Papa and I are working very hard to ensure that you are capable and equipped of building your own lives. God has also blessed you with skills and intelligence, and you must learn how to steward these blessings well. Stewarding our skills and intelligence means using them to bear fruit, improving them, and using them to bless the people around us.
I am a strong believer of the concept of stewardship - leaving things better than when it is found. The Parable of the Talents in the Bible resonates so strongly with me. You need to understand that God is pleased when the skills, abilities, and resources He entrusted to us are improved, multiplied, and used to bless others.
My girls, it is my prayer that you take this to heart.
Love,
Mama
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